Tuesday, November 18, 2014

There's No Shortage of Bullshit

Holaaaaaaa lovers of the finer things in life! Have you guys heard about the panic over the looming chocolate shortage? OMG!!! I call bullshit on this. I think this is just a way for Big Chocolate to justify raising their prices. They know they can’t do that without criticism and having to deal with huge crowds of PMSing women protesting outside their offices. So what did they do? They got some corporate shill who doesn't eat chocolate to write a fake story about climate change, dry weather in Africa, Ebola, rapidly rising demand in China (blaming China is always a great move) and other shit to give them cover to raise prices.  It’s pretty outrageous if you ask me.

This isn’t the first time an industry has manufactured a fake shortage to raise prices. Big Bacon did it just a couple of years.  Bacon is ridiculously expensive now. Did that slow anyone down? Hell no! We’re still eating bacon and there is no shortage. BTW, it’s not my style to go all “conspiracy theory guy” on y’all, but I do have a theory about who is to blame for this. Yup, none other than Kevin Bacon himself! Quit watching his movies and TV shows and just let him fade away and pork prices will fall back to normal.

And let’s not forget about the big, fat, fake “hops shortage” Big Beer has been alleging the last few years. PU-LEEEEEEZE!!! People have been drinking the hell outta beer ever since there were Vikings and the Irish. Now, all of the sudden like in 2014 there’s this mysterious beer shortage? This is the biggest load of hooey I’ve ever heard of. And, just who could possibly be to blame for THIS so-called shortage???

Uh … Well … Heh …. Uh … It’s still bullshit. Probably. *puts hands in pockets* *walks away while looking at the sky and whistling*

Anyhoodle, there is one area that really is experiencing a shortage: Fine Art. Most of the greatest pieces of art have been bought up by collectors, rich people with more money than sense and museums. Heck, just this last week a one-of-a-kind piece of truly stunning art was listed as up for auction at Sotheby’s. Take a look at this thing! Isn’t it beautiful? Bidding starts at $1,475,923.36 AMERICAN!


I'm With Stupid said...

I am so down with your call of "bullshit." Cheers Jayman!!


Katy Anders said...

I hope no one is falling for the bacon thing. I know for a fact that bacon is a plant. Not like those cute little tofus that have to die supply the bloodthirsty vegetarians with their meat of choice.

Bacon will grow anywhere. I have a few pots of it growing under a heat lamp in my house.

Oh wait, you said bacon?

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt: I've had enough of all this bullshit man. Not gonna put up with it any longer.


I'm With Stupid said...

Katy: I don't have any bacon plants, but I know a couple of guys who do. They learned how to grow them on the internet.


Bum Wine Bob said...

Don't forget the big Velveeta shortage earlier this year! Thank god we overcame that one!

I'm With Stupid said...

BWB: Good point! I forgot about that one. Another completely made up food shortage that never materialized. Everyone still has all the nacos they could ask for.


Mike said...

And when the so called shortage is over the prices won't come back down.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Of course not Mike. That's the whole purpose of the bullshit shortages.