Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Apologies Are Not a Sign of Weakness; They Are a Sign of Strength

Cheers Bitches and welcome to the no feel world of Tuesday. Matt-Man here with an important announcement that you will not hear very often, if ever again…

Yesterday was National Kiss and Make Up Day, and today is Repentance Day in Papua-New Guinea.

Although I’m a person who believes that to completely make up (with a woman that is) intercourse MUST be involved, and while I’m neither Papuan nor New Guinean, I thought I would honor the spirit of these two observances by apologizing to a few of the many folks that I may have offended over the years.

To Luigi Vizarri, who was developing a new housing edition to Bagwine in the late 70’s…I apologize for freaking you out when I along with a few friends, built a fake bomb and placed it on the doorstep of one of your un-finished homes.  It looked like a time bomb and was filled with peat moss, but seriously?

We didn't need to put the note inside of it that read, “Bang Wop, You’re Dead!!”  Totally uncalled for.

To the window salesman who some eight to ten years ago kept phone pestering me to let him give me an estimate on new windows.  I apologize for finally saying okay, and after you tried to find our house for over an hour, you were informed that we reside in an apartment building.  That is hours of your life you’ll never get back, and I apologize.

I want to hearken back to two weeks before my HS sophomore year when as the North High School Marching Band was practicing, I ran down a hill disguised in a face mask hat and hurled a goose egg at the marching band director, Michael Mattimore.

To you Mr. Mattimore, I apologize.  It was cruel and childish, however…I will never apologize for my aim. Most highly-paid NFL quarterbacks couldn't have made that throw on a full-out downhill run like I did.

Also related to this event, to our implanted and top secret videographer of the goose egg attack Rob Stevens who spilled the beans.  I apologize to you for not having beaten the shit out of you for turning me in.  I got suspended for two weeks you cackle box.

Lastly…I apologize to my best friend and soul mate Schmoop, because well she asked me to do so publicly and profoundly.  She claims that I use her as a mere piece of gratuitous flesh from time to time to promote IWS Radio without consideration of her feelings.

I don’t know what the hell the crazy chick is talking about, but okay.  I apologize to the Schmoopster.

One thing I do not apologize for nor will I ever, is listening to IWS Radio, and perhaps…

Those of you reading this could apologize to IWS Radio by listening to our Season Five opener on Blog Talk Radio.  If you’d like to listen and repent for your to until now failure to laugh out loud…

Click HERE

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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4 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Dude! I'm so proud of you! You made it all the way to Step Eight without telling anyone you're in the program. You rock!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: I follow my own twelve-step drummer. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

Shirley Terrell said...

Oh my. Thats a start. Im convinced there are more. You must rid yourself of it ALL in order for it to work. Lol

I'm With Stupid said...

Shirley: Nope...That's about it...more or less. Cheers Snake!!

Matt