Time to Start a Twitter War With a Celebrity

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! You might remember that two days ago I did a post about people who might go a little overboard with this whole Favstarthing. Well, my good friend, the very lovely and talented Katy Anders said in comments that she would really like to get into a Twitter war and seems to think it would be a good thing for her. My reaction to this was “Hey! Thanks for the great idea!”

A Twitter war might be just the thing to snap me out of my early summer malaise that I’m not really in, but might fall into without something fun and interesting happening. The question is with whom should I get into this big Twitter war? It can’t be with Katy Anders cause she gave me the idea and she might use big hurtful words when she ruthlessly returns fire. It can’t be Matt-Man cause we’re creative partners in this IWS World Media Entertainment thing and that just wouldn’t work out well at all. Really, anyone who isn’t famous or a public figure wouldn’t be a good idea because a nobody fighting a nobody isn’t interesting.

Mick Huckabee, Salman Rushdie and Scott Raab are out because those wusses have already blocked me on Twitter.

So, I made a list of possible targets:

1. Joan Rivers: Joan is a very mean-spirited old hag and I doubt too many people would come to her defense. The worst thing about Joan is that she’s a huge hypocrite. She can dish it out, but she can’t take it. She says nothing and no one is off limits, which I agree with, but if you take a shot at her or tight-skinned double-digit IQ daughter she freaking loses it! So, she’s on top of the list of potential Twitter enemies.

2. Touré: My GAWD what a pretentious asshole this guy is. In addition to being a very intelligent guy who has done some deep thinking on big cultural and political issues he is a raging egomaniac with a superiority complex that would embarrass Donald Trump. Fuck this guy.

3. David Frum: What a worthless piece of human debris David Frum is. The only way he can get an erection is by watching videos of brown-skinned people being killed by bombs and missiles. Just having a quick back-and-forth with him would leave me feeling like I should take a Lysol shower. There’s also the problem that anyone who ever disagrees with him over any little thing is suddenly a Jew-hater.

4. Marc Maron: Okay, I like Marc’s WTF Podcast. Well, when he has good guests on at least. He’s a very good interviewer. I usually fast forward through his monologue cause I don’t give a crap what’s happening in his pathetic life. I also like his TV show cleverly titled “Maron” on IFC. But, Marc is VERY touchy and it doesn’t take much to drag him into a pissing match. Especially when someone points out that his show, Seinfeld and Louie are all pretty similar. He’s a very legit target.

5. Roland Martin: Idiot

6. Ezra (AKA: Ethra) Kline: I could just RT him and change his tweets to depict his lisp. That would be easy.

7. Dennis Miller: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

8. Seth MacFarlane: What a schmuck!

9. Glenn Greenwald: America-hating scum!

10. Jason Whitlock: Maybe too easy, but another disingenuous prick.

11. Jay Mohr: Corporate whore and complete sellout who isn’t funny and his impressions are all old and stale.

12. ESPN’s Michelle Beadle: Sports Bimbo who might have great legs but is so full it with her fake feud with Erin Andrews. Plus she says she won’t root for the Jets anymore since Mike Vick is their QB now, but she’s showers Floyd Mayweather who has a loooooooong history of beating up women with praise. She might be too easy. (Actually, I’ve heard she’s VERY easy, ifyouknowwhatImean.)

13. Michael Ian Black: Another unfunny comedian who is totally full of himself. God I can’t fucking stand this fuck!

14. Jerry Seinfeld: He’s just not funny and honestly, it’s a little sad. Seeing him trying to do standup after all these years is like watching Michael Jordan playing for the Wiz … wait … he was never Michael Jordan level in the comedy world.  

15. Patton Oslwalt: Hmmmm … Okay, Patton is a pretty smart guy, but there’s a lot there to mock. He’s short. REALLY SHORT! He’s got a stupid haircut. He’s totally full of himself. He’s thin-skinned. He’s a hipster wannabe. Oh, this has potential!

There are others, but this is going to go down as my longest blog post ever. Anyway, when I pick a victim I’ll use the IWS Radio Twitter account cause this is all about publicity and really, I’m a nice guy who wouldn’t do stuff like this.

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