Tuesday, July 1, 2014

It's Canada Day!! So What...Eh?*

It’s the first day of July Bitches!! And you know what that means…

That’s right…It’s Canada Day!!

Today is the day that Canada celebrates its “independence” from the United Kingdom…um, okay, not really.

Today marks the day in 1867 that Canada was formally known as a Dominion…meaning several provinces of Canada united as one under the Crown of the United Kingdom.

See…Canada was never truly independent of the English bastards until 1982. 1982!!

Ha!! Angola told Portugal to shove it some seven years earlier. Angola, folks!!

Hell even today, in spite of Canada's “independence”, the Queen of England (and no, I don’t mean Elton John) is still the legal head of state.

What the fuck kind of independence is that?

Holy Crap…

While Americans are gearing up to celebrate our independence from Britain that took the writing and signing of a “treasonous” document and a brutal war that lasted over six years...

The Canadians are celebrating the right of their provinces to associate with each other under the iron girdle of the British crown.

What a bunch of back bacon pussies.*

Three days from now, we will be honoring great men such as George Washington, John Adams, Ben Franklin, and Patrick Henry.

Today, the Canadians will be paying homage to the likes of Anne Murray, Keanu Reeves, Howie Mandel, and Justin Bieber. And of course…The Queen.

Screw the Canadians…or is that, Canadiens? See?

They can’t even settle on the fucking spelling of who and what they are.

It all goes back to those damn French in Québec. The French in Québec are kinda like the Zoroastrians are in Afghanistan and Iran.

Oh sure…they’re there, but, pffffft, fuck ‘em.

Anyhoo…Let’s say fuck you to the Canadians and especially the Canadiens.

This July 4th, let’s celebrate our Independence Day by fully democratizing the Labatt Blue pissing Canadians like we did the Germans, the Japs, and the Vietnamese…er…well, whatever.

We can fire cruise missiles, and send a squadron of B-2s to level their no-balls parliament.

And then, I’ll personally go to Buckingham Palace to bitch slap Queen Lizzy, and say unto Her Majesty:

“You wanna act like you still have an Empire? Well, free my neighbors to the north and go re-invade the sheep herders on the Falkland Islands…and by the way, Charles is fucking gay.”

Oh yeah, babies…

This year…

If America puts her mind to it, we can celebrate the 4th of July with drunken Canadians being killed by American made bombs instead of drunken Americans losing an eye or a finger to an errant, Chinese made Roman Candle.

I for one, can dig that. But…

It’s Canada Day, so I celebrate them…

But seriously, does anyone really give a shit?

It‘s not like they’re really independent…or relevant.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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*None of the above remarks apply to IWS Radio’s favorite Canadian and Canadian Bureau Chief, the uber-lovely and talented, Jamie Mapleleaf, nor to William Shatner, nor Rob Ford.

Jamie, Bill, and Rob are the only three people who give Canada a sexy splash of excitement and personality.

4 comments:

Mike said...

My favorite Canadian picture. It's been awhile since I've seen it. I know I have in a folder somewhere.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: That doesn't surprise me at all. Happy Canada Day. Cheers Mike!!

Matt

I'm With Stupid said...

Yay Canada! One of my favorite North American countries. Certainly in the top 20 for most people and easily in my top 10!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Me too!! I only kid about them because I love them so. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt