Thursday, June 26, 2014

World Cup Hairstyles: What Do They Mean?

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! If you’ve been watching the World Cup you have probably noticed that those boys are downright pretty! You might also notice that apparently this is also the World Cup of Hairstyles. If you’re like me, you noticed these things because there a lot of downtime while watching soccer. Viewers have spent a lot of time just sitting around waiting for the action to pick up. What do you do during that downtime? Interpret the hairstyles of some of the players …

Michael Bradley (U.S.A.): Bradley is sporting the Lex Luthor look. He is obviously very dangerous and not afraid to kill if he needs to. Judging by his defensive play in Team USA’s first two games, his apparent intended victim is his own team.

Neymar (Brazil): Neymar is sporting the Pretty Boy look. He’s clearly a superstar and his frosted tips let everyone know that they will have to chase after the groupies he rejects. There will also be a timeout each half so Neymar can do a photo shoot for GQ.

Bacary Sagna (France): Bacary is showing off the Venus Williams look. He reminds us that we all have a HUGE crush on Venus and never miss a chance to watch her play tennis with her purple, blonde or red braids. Bacary also masturbates to a pic of Venus every night before bed. Who can blame him?

Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal): The Zoro! Ronaldo is one of the greatest soccer players on Earth and he clearly believes he is the only other person equal to the greatness that is Zoro! Some might think that he also is looking for his Elena. The truth is though, that “Z” carved in his hair is actually the calling card of “Zoro: The Gay Blade.”

Ikar Casillas (Spain): The “Hey! I don’t have a receding hairline at all” cut. Poor Ikar, people all over the world are tuning into the World Cup and shaking their heads at him. If he’s already desperately trying to hold onto his youth at 33, how bad is his midlife crisis going to be?

Sergi Aguero (Argentina): I could have a beautiful head of hair if I wanted to but I don’t. Obviously Sergi left that very thick wavy black hair on top of his head to let the ladies know that it’s okay to have kids with him. Your son won’t be going bald early like Ikar Casillas is. This is just his attempt at being noticed among all the great haircuts of the World Cup.

Guillermo Ochoa (Mexico): I’m too busy working on my game to bother with my hair look. Guillermo is a wild and crazy guy and his hair matches his attitude. He’s also very real and doesn’t pretend to be anything other than himself. Because of this he doesn’t put product in his hair or try to style it to conform to some ideal sexy World Cup guy look. Okay, he’s a hipster.

As you can see these guys are more than just great athletes competing at the highest levels of their chosen sport. They’re men of style and substance making their mark on the fashion world. Each is a trendsetter in his own way. I’ve heard that Cristiano Ronoldo’s hairstyle is already a HUGE hit in the Castro District of San Francisco. I’m sure other men around the world will be getting their hair done in the style of their favorite player too.


I'm With Stupid said...

That Casillas dude is only 33? Damn...He's gonna be hard-pressed to score a love goal within five years or less...Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

"Each is a trendsetter in his own way."

I read that a little fast the first time and it came through as "Each is a 'transgender' in his own way." Both words could be right for a couple of them.

jAMiE said...

Gotta love their hair do's and don'ts....i love the one guy, not sure what team he plays for..but he has an itty, bitty pony tail on the top of his head. So funny!

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Casillas is gonna need hair plugs like Wayne Rooney got.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: A couple of them do look like they might hang around the house in a dress and heels.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.


I'm With Stupid said...

Jamie: I wonder how many guys are tempted to pull on that itty-bitty ponytail during a game? ha


Rehan Rehan said...

As the opening game of the Neymar haircut for world cup approaches pundits are beginning to speculate about which players will shine during the tournament. Will it be an established star or will someone like the young Michael Owen emerge? We have chosen five players we think will make the headlines for the right reasons