Friday, May 9, 2014

Living in a Hotel Looks Like Fun

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! As many of you know, I had a very difficult few days recently dealing with an internet problem. Anyone who has ever had internet problems knows what hassle they are because it’s hard to figure out where the problem is. I usually just assume its Cox Cable’s fault and that usually turns out to be true.

On the final day of my ordeal my good friend and favorite lesbian ever (just edging out Ellen Page), Angie asked me on Facebook how things were going with the Cox/Roku/Android/Kindle Problem. Yes, I did have a “CRAK” problem. I’m doing much better now. Thanks for your concern.

As we were discussing what a mess things like that always are and Angie was being helpful by making some very good suggestions, another very good friend, the lovely and talented Jo chimed in with this comment…

“This is why we need to live in the woods. Wait, that's hard and dirty. This is why we need to live in the penthouse of a hotel with a personal valet/wizard.”

As I told Jo, what’s really amazing about that comment is winning the lottery and living in a hotel really is something I think I would love to do. Living in a hotel, especially in a nice area with lots to do or near (or ON) the beach would be pretty freaking nice. That’s about as carefree living as you could probably find.

Oh sure, I know what you’re saying. “I lived out of a hotel for weeks at a time for my job and it sucked.” Well, sure. That’s because you weren’t really living there. You were there on business and it wasn’t really your home. It wasn’t your bed or TV or any of your “stuff.” And, you had important things you needed to do back home and wanted to get back to your family. Well, some of you wanted to get back to your family.

I’m talking about actually getting rid of all my crap and making a hotel my home. A NICE hotel! Not some shitty Motel 6 or Best Western type crap.  Since I’m single (with no prospects) and don’t have any kids (that I know of) I see hotel living as being just about as care-free as possible. Certainly, there are some Pros and Cons to this …


- No lawn care or maintenance to bother with. 
- Don’t have to worry about cable, utilities or internet costs or problems.
- Maid service keeps the place nice and neat.
- Most places have free continental breakfast.
- Fresh towels, sheets, soaps, shampoo and other stuff whenever needed.
- Probably a free newspaper every day. At least a USA Today (color graphs!).
- I would be sure to stay in a place with a lounge and restaurant.
- Indoor swimming pool and hot tub.
- Free use of fitness center.
- Concierge service to get me tickets to sporting events and other big events.
- Valet service.
- If you have an asshole neighbor you know he’ll be gone in a few days.


- Nothing in your room is yours.
- Hotels tend to be noisy with kids running around and people having loud arguments and/or sex.
- No matter where the room is, you’ll hear that dam elevator dinging and the ice from the ice machine crunching all day and night.
- You will have to take care to keep valuables in a safe or with you when you leave.
- You never get to know your neighbors and can’t make friends with them.
- You would live in a very confined space and the walls might close in on ya.
- Can’t invite anyone over for anything because of lack of space and Hotels = SEX!
- Unless you stay at Residence Inn type place you have no kitchen if you like to cook.
- You will have a fridge and microwave, but have to carry your stuff bags of chips, ice cream, beer, frozen pizzas and stuff through the lobby, up the elevator and down the hall to your room.
- If you’re living in a fancy hotel, you might not have cheap eats nearby. You at least wont’ have a Denny’s in the parking lot.
- It could get really lonely.

Okay, so it might not be for everyone and it might not be great for life. I do think it would be a fun experience and could be just about perfect for a simple, quiet loner such as myself. I guess I should start buying lottery tickets sometime to get my dream rolling.


I'm With Stupid said...

We'll keep the light on for ya. Cheers Jayman!!


I'm With Stupid said...

Matt: And keep room service open 24/7 please.