Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Nipsey News Report

Holaaaaaaaaaa! In honor of April being National Poetry Month, we’re introducing a new feature here on the website. The late, great Nipsey Russell gives his rhyming commentary on the news!

UConn defeats Kentucky for the NCAA Championship…

Congrats to Kevin Ollie and Huskies on your victory
You stayed calm while Calipari and the Cats looked jittery
UConn’s basketball prominence we can’t overrate
Just hope no one notices your EIGHT PERCENT graduation rate

Al Sharpton was an informant for the FBI...

So, Reverend Al was an FBI rat
The mafia thought he was just goofy and fat
After reading this story I’m fairly confident
Al Sharpton’s death is going to be no accident

Bain Capital has bought Maineschwitz...

Mitt Romney’s old company now owns all the matzo and kosher wine
For the Jews this must be a sign
Rabbis and Jewish scholars
Say give the Mormons all your Jewish dollars

Michael Hayden says Sen Feinstein is “too emotional” to investigate the CIA...

Gen Hayden might have gone too far with his taunts
He can apologize and explain all he wants
His comments stirred up a hornet’s nest
Women’s groups will never let him rest

Louisiana Congressman Vince McAllister was caught on surveillance cameras kissing one of his staffers …

Yet another married family values politician gets caught cheating
From some media and political groups he’s gonna take a beating
That Good Christian Vince will become a punch line
Luckily for him when republicans cheat they never have to resign

Rand Paul says Dick Cheney pushed for war with Iraq to make money for Haliburton …

Rand Paul’s accusations against Mr Cheney are very serious
Some people think he’s just delirious
But in fact these accusations aren’t all that new
And we all know they’re true

Jay Z sparks controversy by wearing Five Percent Nation bling at a Nets game …

Jay Z wore an oversized medallion that some people found offensive
Many of supporters today are feeling a little defensive
Some people think this controversy will ruin Jay Z’s day
Instead he’ll just roll around on a bed made of money and have sex with Beyonce  

Draft Day with Kevin Costner and Jennifer Garner opens this week …

Kevin Costner may have struck gold once again with another sports movie
Even if the movie’s concept seems a little looney
Personally I don’t care if the movie is bad, average or really good
Jennifer Garner is the most underrated MILF in Hollywood


I'm With Stupid said...

I am ashamed to say this, but while I adore Nipsey, I love Jennifer Garner more. Cheers!!


I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: There's no shame in loving Jennifer Garner. She's freaking awesome!