Friday, March 28, 2014

Obama and Pope Francis Have Words

Holaaaaaaaaa y’all! Before we get into today’s fun and games I have a couple things to cover for ya. Frist, I want to give a shout out to the lovable and adorable Schmoop! Hope you had a happy birthday yesterday babe! Sorry Matt only had to work a short day on your birthday, but at least you got a few hours away from him and some Taco Bell. Also, Liam Neeson is damn serious about his birthday wishes to you. He told me so himself.

Next, I got my laptop back again today. Oh, I didn’t tell you? Yeah, it had a bit of problem with the fan so I talked to the Computer Fix It Guy and he decided there was a problem there and went ahead and ordered a new one and called me today to bring the laptop and they put the new fan in free of charge! That was sweet of them.

So now everything seems to be working just swell. Actually, the fan still runs all the time, but not nearly as hard or loud as it did previously. Wouldn’t that suck if the fan was the problem all along and they never even had to do the $300 worth of work to it? Ha … Damn, that could really piss me off if I think about it too long. So, I won’t.

Anyway, on to the serious stuff. You may have heard that President Obama met with Yo Pope Frank-EEEEEEEE today. Well, what the LAME stream media didn’t tell you is that to start the meeting, President Obama opened up his laptop and played the Lost Weekend episode of IWS Radio for the Popester!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, as always, IWS Radio has super -secret inside information about what Obama and Pope Francis discussed. Here’s a partial transcript.

Obama: Thank you so much for having me here today.
Francis: What do you have there with you?
Obama: Oh, it’s my laptop. Thought you’d like to hear some IWS Radio.
Francis: I’ve love those guys! They’re a riot!
Obama: IKR??
Francis: I hope Jay asks Matt about Ryno
Obama: And then plays “Cats in the Cradle!”
Francis: Kills me every single time! Hahahahaha
Obama: Oh yeah! And I’m a big fan of Tammy Tibbles.
Francis: She’s got some deep thoughts and great advice.
Obama: Tammy might end up being a self-help guru of sorts.
Francis: Well she could put that idiot Dalai Lama out of business.
Obama: We can only hope!

Francis: So, about this contraceptive mandate.
Obama: *SIGH* Here we go.
Francis:  Religious freedom is very important to the Church.
Obama: People who want to use contraception have rights too.
Francis: You’re forcing your secular beliefs on the Church.
Obama: The same way priests forced themselves on little boys?
Francis: Really? You’re going there already?
Obama: We were going to get there eventually.
Francis: Why don’t you just drop the contraception mandate?
Obama: Why don’t you just let me take all the pedophiles back to US jurisdiction?
Francis: Why don’t you go bomb another wedding full of women and children.
Obama: Why don’t you go block condom distribution in Africa resulting in the AIDS virus continuing to run out of control and kill lots more people?

*Door Flies Open* *John Kerry Walks In* “Gentlemen, Gentlmen. We can have a good, vigorous discussion about these issues without insulting each other.”

Obama and Francis: Why don’t you fuck off John?
Francis: Did you bring me a potato like you did the Russians?
Obama: BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was hilarious!
Francis: Right? *mocking Kerry’s monotone voice* I like my potatoes fried, mashed, smashed, diced, boiled …
Obama: *joining in* Scattered, smothered and covered. There are literally dozens of ways to prepare good old “Solanum Tuberosom” …

Kerry: I really don’t think this is productive at all.

Francis: Why the long face John?

*Kerry stomps out of the room*
*President Obama and Pope Francis hi-5*


I'm With Stupid said...

Ha!! Kerry is probably STILL talking to someone, anyone about how he as dissed. Cheers Jayman!!


Katy Anders said...

Sounds like the conversation went better than Vatican discussions used to go with the Soviets, but not nearly as well as they used to go with Hitler or Mussolini.

Everyone could use Kerry as a foil.

I might have to add him as a character in my blog for the same purpose...

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Kerry will be telling Vatican stories to every country's foreign minister for the next three years. I feel bad for them.


I'm With Stupid said...

Katy: It's always good to have a John Kerry around to help people come together for a common cause.