Friday, January 31, 2014

Super Bowl Forty-Eight Extravaganza

Hola Sports Fans! We are only a few days away from one of the greatest sports spectacles in the world, Super Bowl XLVIII! At 6:30 (ish) pm ET on Sunday, the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos will do battle in front of hundreds of millions of people all over the world. Only a handful of those people will actually give a damn who wins, but it will be fun anyway.

The NFL continues to be far more marketing style over actual football substance. The product on field rarely even comes close to the hype, although this match up does look like a great one. Despite the fact that NFL ratings continue to go up, up and away, the league is not without its problems. Chief among those problems is how much more dangerous the game is today and how much more we know about those dangers, especially to the brain. While the ratings go up, more and more parents are questioning whether they will allow their sons to play football.

There is also the problem of the game becoming increasingly too expensive for people to attend. Tickets aren’t cheap, parking is an outrage and if you want a hot dog or beer from the concession stand you’ll need to take out a small loan. Combine that with the fact that watching the game form home on your own large HDTV is soooooo much more comfortable and it’s easy to see a real attendance problem developing in the near future for the NFL. This is especially true as the phrase “in this economy” stretches into its sixth year of being a legitimate excuse not to spend money on “luxuries.” And of course, this is where the NFL’s idiotic blackout policy drives people to watch games via illegal online streaming.

And let’s not forget that every season we are subjected to the most moronic “analysis” from all the brilliant football pundits out there. The same pundits who marvel at the “athleticism and football instincts” of black players while extolling the “high work ethic and intellectual approach to football” of white players. According to them, this is still a game where black QBs like possible first round draft pick Teddy Bridgewater of Louisville is hilariously labeled as a “running QB” while so-called experts marvel at the fact that Indy’s white QB Andrew Luck “is so big and can run so well.”

Oh and let’s not forget about HGH and the fact that the NFL is probably going to have to find a way to deal with it that allows players to use it when injured to help in their recovery. They do anyway, so why not make it so that it could be monitored and less dangerous? Same goes for medical marijuana. Come on, WE ALL KNOW IT’S GONNA HAPPEN!

Over the top marketing and commercialism, classism, racism, violence and ignoring problems until they’re almost too big to deal with them and the NFL truly is American’s Game. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Anyhoodle, as usual I have not been invited to any Super Bowl parties so I went to Walmart today to get the stuff I needed for my own little party. I’m going to have nachos, taquitos baked in the oven and a burrito. Oh wait, I guess I won’t be having a burrito because NOBODY in town had what I wanted. I don’t need a package of 12 burritos, I just need one. So, I’ll have to live without the burrito and the disappointment is mad real y’all.

Believe it or not though, there are lots of people out there who don’t give a damn about the Super Bowl or football at all. We call these people America-hating, terrorist-loving, pinko-commie panty-wastes. No offense intended, of course. But, if you happen to be one of these people, I have you covered.

Maybe you could watch a movie? Perhaps, “Sleepless in Seattle” or “Things to do in Denver When You’re Dead?”

Or you could read. Possibly the “Undead Kama Sutra” by Mario Acevedo which is set in Denver, or go all out and read “Fifty Shades of Grey” by E.L. James which is set in Seattle?

Maybe some TV would be more fun? Well, you could watch a bunch of episodes of “South Park” created by Coloradans Trey Parker and Matt Stone or, if you prefer humans, you can binge watch “Community” starring Seattle native (kinda) Joel McHale.”

BONUS: Community’s Alison Brie…

Let’s see what the late, great Nipsey Russell thinks …

Super Bowl forty-eight is all set for the Meadowlands
Fans, celebrities and dignitaries will be on hand
But you should just stay home with a bunch of beer in your fridge
You never know when Chris Christie will close another bridge

Denver is a 2.5 point favorite, but I really have no idea who will win. I suspect that the Broncos just have a little too much offense for the Seahawks and will win something  like ….

Denver 27
Seattle  17

Enjoy the game everyone! Or don’t, what do I care?


I'm With Stupid said...

I agree...Denver has just enough defense and too much offense for the 'Hawks...especially after the Seahawks watch Annie's boobs!! Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

Wait, let me adjust my dress, giggle giggle. OK Alison we see them. We didn't miss them in the first place.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Annie is very distracting. VERY distracting!


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Alison Brie can do any dang thing she wants with her shirt, skirt or any other piece of clothing. ha


jAMiE said...

So sorry about your burrito situation...that just 'ain't right'!

Can't believe you picked Denver over heart hurts.