Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Job Training Partnership Act

Cheeeeeeeeeeers and Happy Tuesday to you all!!

I know that there are many of you out there who have recently been laid-off, let go, and/or otherwise downsized from your jobs as we enter this festive time of year, and to you all, I say God Bless, and I hope you still have some semblance of a happy holiday season, however…

I can neither faintly nor remotely begin to describe the sadness of your holiday-time layoff, but I can describe the layoff that is affecting me.

And that layoff involves my BFF/OSP, Schmoop who was recently callously and hurtfully terminated just last week.

Her layoff burns me to the core as I know how sensitive she is.  I try not to cry, but I witnessed her giving of herself for nearly thirteen years as office manager to the company for which she worked, and I know how devastated she is.

Sure…I could temporarily cajole my darling Schmoop with a peck on the cheek, an occasional atta boy, and words of, “It’ll be alright.”

But…

If I do truly love her, the best way to help her is to get her post-partum layoff mind off of the, “stinkin’ thinkin’” and put her to work…allow her to develop new job skills, and…give her a sense of self-worth.

So…I figure I could set some daily chores for her as she begins her journey toward re-employment, all the while helping her to develop new skills.

Painting is a good profession and one that will always have a market. I noticed recently that our bathroom and kitchen could use a fresh coat of paint.  Schmoop could develop scraping off the old paint and applying the new paint skills by scraping off the walls and stroking up a fresh, friendly coat of paint upon the walls of both rooms.

Being a good cook is also a well paid trade that will always be in demand.  Perhaps Schmoop could learn not to just re-heat things, but delve deeper into honing her nascent culinary skills, by cooking a handmade and homemade breakfast, lunch, and dinner for me every damn day.  After all, repetition is a good teacher!!

Schmoop does have a nice voice.  She could always become a stay-at-home phone sex operator.  We had a former phone sex line chick on our radio show two weeks ago, and she was telling stories of receiving blank checks from her clientele.

Which leads me to another line of work Schmoop could look into…

Philanthropist.

When and if Schmoop received blank checks from her potential and aforementioned phone sex customers, she could then hand the checks over to me knowing full well that it is better to give than receive.

I could then use that money to invest in my our future leaving Schmoop time to no longer worry about money, and instead focus on honing her skills as a Geisha Girl, a massage therapist, and naked vacuuming. And I?

I would be her helpful and dutiful test case the entire time, offering encouragement, compassion, and critical suggestions on how to become better at all of those things.

So there you go…

While it is through the hurt on Schmoop’s behalf that I type this jobs training program, I suffer through it, because I love her so damn much and long for her to be the best Schmoop that she can be.

The road back to employability won’t be easy for Schmoop, but doggone it…

I’m going to make sure that both of us don’t suffer along the way.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_IWS
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6 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

All brilliant ideas. Especially the cooking. Once she gets that down, she should have no problem getting a job at Waffle House. I love that place!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Waffle House is Da Bomb!! Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

Mike said...

I think 1-900-Schmoop just might be an idea whose time has come.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Don't think we haven't thought about it. Cheers Mike!!

Matt

Betty said...

How's that "job training program" working out so far, Matt?

I'm With Stupid said...

Betty: Ha...Kind of a mixed bag. The painting and phone hooking aren't happening, but she did make Bratwurst Coney Dogs yesterday!! Cheers Jaymom!!

Matt