Holaaaaaaaaaa! Well, as Matt-Man mentioned yesterday, my
Nana Creta passed away on Tuesday. She was 95 years old and lived a long and
wonderful life. Sure, there were some hard times growing up in rural Arkansas,
but she persevered and always made the best of it. She was born in Maumee,
Arkansas in 1918 and grew up around St. Joe and then lived seventy-plus years
in Yellville. She will be missed so very much.
Of course, this means I’ll be heading into the Danger Zone
on Friday. That’s the day of the funeral and I’ll have to be on my best
behavior. Anytime I have to attend a formal function like a funeral I have to
remember that social disaster lurks around every corner. I have the potential
to say something stupid at any moment. It’s gonna be an Afternoon of Awkward
people!
Plus, I have to wear a suit. Hell, I had even forgotten that
I owned a suit until I looked in my closet to see what I had and what I might
have to go get for the funeral. It’s a pretty decent suit and it all matches
which is a huge plus right there. I’ll just have to try to stop myself from
fidgeting around and messing with my tie the whole time. It’s pretty bad when a
45 year old is more fidgety than the little kids.
It all starts at 12 Noon with a lunch at the Methodical
Church over in Yellville. My primary objective during lunch will be to make
sure I don’t spill anything on my shirt which is much easier said than done.
I’m not sure what will be served but if it’s possible to drop a big blob of it
on my tie and shirt, I’m sure I will. Damn won’t I look good up there with the
other pallbearers with a big stain right in the middle of my shirt? OH GOD THIS
IS GOING TO HAPPEN ISN’T IT??!!??
Then there’s the funeral itself. Since funeral services are
generally not very long it really won’t be that bad. Just a little sermon and
maybe some people telling some fun stories and stuff like that. Immediately
after the service comes one of two opportunities for epic embarrassment. I’m
talking of course about possibly being THE ONE who either struggles with or
even loses his grip on the coffin. Okay, that’s probably not going to happen
because there are eight of us and I’M A BIG STRONG MAN! But, nothing is out of
the realm of possibility here.
Let’s see, what else could go wrong? Oooooo I could have a
massive fall allergy attack! That’s a good one. I’ll end up spending the entire
day sneezing and snotting all over myself and people sitting or standing near
me. Not to mention the hacking and coughing while the preacher is trying to
speak. Man that will be super annoying!
My back could suddenly act up. That would be sweet. Sitting
there in excruciating pain desperately needing to move around or lie down but
not able to. Could you imagine how much fun that would be? Not to mention I
would be walking around looking like someone shoved a corn cob up my ass. That’s
always a good look. Also, if I’m in that kind of pain I’m far more likely to
say something stupid and/or spill some food on my shirt.
Honestly, there’s a loooooong list of things that could
happen. I’m not saying I think any of them will, I’m just saying it’s possible.
Don’t worry though, I’m totally not stressing over this at all. Nope, not me. I
know it’s all good. Well, unless I have
BOTH an allergy attack AND my back flares up! Yeah, that’s the most likely
scenario.
8 comments:
Keep the mustard off of your shirt and your hands out of your pockets!! Be the BIG STRONG MAN that you are. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt
'a corn cob up my ass' - Been there done that.
And remember, Nana will be watching you 24/7 from now on.
You'll be great! I have faith, or something;)
I hope all goes well for you today.Stay strong.Thinking of you and your Nana today.
Matt-Man: I'll be in the corner with my hands in my pockets most of the time.
Jay
Mike: She won't be happy if she does that.
Jay
Beth: I'll be average as usual. hahaha
Jay
Irene: Thanks babe!
Jay
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