Friday, October 4, 2013

Random Shout Outs to Miley's Boobs and Shitty People

Hola y’all! Let’s. Get. Random!

- Shout out to Congressman Randy Neugebauer (R-eally Big Shit Bag) who went out to the WWII memorial and berated a member of the Park Police accusing HER of closing the memorial. Uh sir, YOU voted to close the government and unlike that Park Police officer YOU are getting paid. What a fucking piece of shit you Congressman.

- Shout out to all the people who are focusing only on the fucking WWII memorial or the Panda Cam and are completely ignoring all the people who have been furloughed or are having to go into work every single day without pay. You guys are the worst fucking people on Earth.

- Shout out to the 873,902 people on Twitter and Facebook who have posted the “If a government employee is listed as ‘non-essential’ then why do they have a job to begin with???” as if they are the first person to ever make that joke.
Hey-OOOOOOOOO!  That’s freaking hilarious! And so original too! BTW, 99% of the people who posted that joke are listed as “non-essential” by their employer too.

- Another shout out to the 1,744,820 people who posted the equally unoriginal “Do I still have to pay my taxes during the shutdown?” joke as if THEY were the first to ever think of that one!

Damn, you guys were killin’ it this week!

- Shout out to all the republicans who blamed the Sequester completely on Obama. Yes, it was the worst idea ever, but not only are the republicans now celebrating and taking full credit for the Sequester, they have all but assured that it will become permanent.

- Shout out to Miley Cyrus for getting naked for that photo shoot so American can go bonkers over a boob. I love it when people do that. It’s amazing how many people in this country have never seen boobs before.  

- Shout out to Sinead O’Conner for writing an “open letter” to Miley. There’s nothing more pathetic than a self-important, washed up, loser celebrity writing an open letter to someone. Don’t you need to shave your head again?

- Shout out to Congressman Todd Rokita (R-eally Smarmy) for condescendingly calling CNN anchor Carol Costello “beautiful, but you don’t know what you’re talking about” today. That will help the GOP with their minority and women outreach efforts immensely. Also, he’s wrong. She’s not beautiful.

- Shout out to Buddy, the mutt I saved from running out into traffic last week for a totally unappreciative owner. When I was leaving today just as I walked around the building Buddy was outside again and he came sprinting up to say high to me again. At least Buddy appreciates me.

- Shout out to the 23 people who have followed me on Twitter since Monday. I have no freaking idea why or where they all came from or anything, but that’s cool.

- Shout out the person who told me I won’t be getting into Heaven this week. I responded by saying “luckily for me, you aren’t the one who gets to make that decision.” She promptly defriended me because obviously she IS the person who decides who gets into Heaven and who doesn’t.

- Shout out to my upstairs neighbor for either jumping or falling out of bed at 3:30 am last night. It was one of the few nights where I actually fell asleep fairly early and was snoozing away. Of course, after he woke me up I had to get up and pee and then check out the windows to see what was going on outside and by then was awake and unable to get back to sleep for a couple of hours. Asshole.


Mike said...

You better be careful with all this shouting out. You might wake up your upstairs neighbor.

I'm With Stupid said...

Miley needs a boob job. They're fairly small and have no personality. Cheers Jayman!!


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I hope I do! haha


I'm With Stupid said...

Matt: Small boobs usually have the most personality. They have to or they won't get any attention.

Also: Sometime in the near future "The Great Boobies Discussion" episode of IWS.


Katy Anders said...

Jay, your joke about small boobs needing to have personality made me laugh for way too long. Seriously: That was gold.

I'm going to steal it for something eventually. Probably as a way to deflect next time the subject of my small boobs comes up somewhere. Thanks!