Friday, October 18, 2013

Jesus Christ People, Leave Me Alone!

Hola to all the true believers, nonbelievers and everyone in between! Jesus People have really stepped up their game here in Redneckville over the last couple of weeks. I’ve been getting lots of church flyers on my door and even a few on my car which really annoys me. It’s supposed to be against the rules here at the Palatial Estates for people to go door-to-door or put fliers on cars but if anyone tries to run them off they’ll be accused of supporting El Diablo, Al Qaeda and/or Barack Obama. Of course most people here think Obama IS an Al Qaeda supporting Anti-Christ anyway.

Lately though, the Jesus People have gotten much more aggressive than just leaving flyers.  A couple of weeks ago a man and woman showed up at my door on a Saturday at 11 am hoping to talk to me about Jesus. They were from the Baptist Church which is the Big Dog of churches here in town. They pretty much dominate everything.

Anyhoodle, these two banged on my door and when I answered immediately handed me this little Jesus booklet talking about not just the history of Jesus, but the entire 6,000 year history of Earth. The highlight was the Eternal Life Birth Certificate…


Just fill it out and keep it with you at all times because that’s your ticket to Heaven! Just show St. Peter that and he will step aside and let you right in. Hell … er … Heck, you won’t even have to stand in line OR watch the orientation and safety video if you have one of those with ya.

After they handed me the booklet they attempted to invite themselves in so they could sit down, have a glass of lemon iced tea and talk Jesus with me. I politely yet firmly stood my ground and told them to have a nice day. The nerve of those people! Trying to come into my home and talk Jesus shit when there was college football on!

There was another Jesus related incident today. I had just finished my weekly shopping trip to Aldi and was returning my cart like a good member of society would when a woman walked right up to me and handed me yet another Jesus booklet while saying “Hello! You should read this.” Then she turns and walks off.


So this is how people are spreading the good word now? Harassing people in their own homes and accosting them in grocery store parking lots? Really? REALLY?!

I’m all for freedom of religion and I consider myself a Christian, but I’m also for freedom FROM religion. I shouldn’t be harassed both in public and at home by people who seem to believe that not only am I in need of saving but arrogantly believe that THEY have been chosen by God to do so.

I’ve never been a big fan of organized religion and don’t believe that you have to go to church every week or even ever to be a good Christian. In fact, I’ve found lots of churches that are full of really bad, fake Christians. So many people feel that just showing up for an hour or so every Sunday plus on Christmas Eve and hating gays is all it takes to get into Heaven.

I do know lots of people who have found great churches to attend and become involved in. They find lots of comfort in going to church and their church is like a family. That’s awesome! I’m very happy for them and honestly sometimes would like to find that too. Unfortunately that just doesn’t exist here in Redneckville.

Seriously though Jesus people, let me watch college football and do my grocery shopping in peace.



6 comments:

Edita said...

"So many people feel that just showing up for an hour or so every Sunday plus on Christmas Eve and hating gays is all it takes to get into Heaven."

I have always shared this sentiment... It's a very inconvenient truth but many people think that one hour in church makes them closer to god, it doesn't.
If you are crap on the inside it doesn't matter whether you go to mass every Sunday.

Edita
www.pret-a-reporter.co.uk

jAMiE said...

Yes, please leave the man alone to do his shopping and watch his football.

Try Monday's though?

I'm With Stupid said...

As Father Merrin would say to you, "The Power of Christ Compels You. The Power of Christ Compels You!!" Cheers Jayman!!

Matt

I'm With Stupid said...

Edita: That is so very true!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jamie: Ha! I don't think Mondays will work either. Maybe mid-week? haha

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: But what does it compel me to do?

Jay