A Vacation Sounds Like a Brilliant Idea!

Hola y’all! Yesterday Matt-Man told everyone about his bigvacation plans this Saturday. Well, let me to you what folks! I’m going on vacation too! Hell yes! My vacation is gonna be a little different from Matt’s though.

I don’t have any big plans to grab a hot babe like Schmoop and have a decadent breakfast buffet. I don’t have any plans to just kick back and drink beer and watch football all day either. Wait, I might do that. We’ll see. I don’t plan on going out of town, getting a room at a fancy hotel, ordering room service and then making it rain sprinkle on a single mama down at the strip gentlemen’s club. Although that does sound like a nice evening out, amirite? I’m not doing any of that stuff.

I’m taking a vacation from reality for 48 hours.

Damn right! At the very moment that this blog post goes live, I will be deleting the “News and Politics” list on my Twitter and ignoring everything that is going on. I won’t turn on the news or the cable news channels either. I won’t even listen to ANY podcasts just in case someone on one of them mentions reality.

I’m not going to check any of the news or political websites either. Nor will I turn on the radio. Not even sports radio because those bastards always love to sneak in political shit. I’m not going to watch, read or listen to anything that might piss me off or make me sad. This includes assholes on social media. Anyone tweets or posts something to Facebook that is stupid or pisses me off gets unfollowed, defriended or put on mute for the remainder of my vacation.

What am I going to do with my free time you ask? Well, I’m going to watch YouTube videos, read and watch “Breaking Bad” or something on Netflix. If I happen upon some news or political shit by accident, I will offset it by kitten and puppy videos and pictures. That’s the only antidote out there.

Hell if worse comes to worse I’ll even watch some playoff baseball. JUST KIDDING! Baseball sucks. I’m sure I’ll find plenty of things to keep me distracted from all the terrible news happening all over the world. In fact, I highly recommend that everyone take a 48 vacation from reality too. I’m sure you’ll love it. And, if YOU are on vacation too, you’re much less likely to say or do something that pisses me off. See how great this works?

Now that I think about it, some fast food might be in order during my vacation. I might have to run through McDonalds and get a number six with no onions. Oh wait, they changed their menu so I don’t know which number is for the double cheeseburger anymore. This is a perfect time to find out! Or maybe I’ll try out those new Satisfries at Burger King! No, I better not. Nothing would suck more than being on vacation and trying some new-fangled french fries and hate them so strike that off the list. Maybe I’ll just have me a few beers too. A few Coors Lights would definitely help me get away from reality for a couple of nights.

As I mentioned earlier referencing Matt’s vacation of watching football, I might do that too. Since we’re doing the show on Saturday instead of Sunday, I might take a second vacation from reality on Sunday. I might just sleep late, have a frozen pizza for lunch and then drink beer and watch NFL all afternoon and completely and total ignore the entire rest of the world for the whole day.  Oh damn! That sounds brilliant.

I’m totally taking TWO vacations this week!

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