Paula Deen Does Not Hate Niggers

Hey Y’all!!  Paula Deen here, guest blogging for iwsradio.com today.

Why am I writing on the glorious pages of the IWS Radio website, y’all ask?

Well…It’s part of my racially charged rhetoric rehabilitation process.  I have apologized on You Tube.

Yesterday I somewhat, but not really, apologized for my bigoted invectives on the Today Show with Matt Lauer, and today?

Here I am on I’m With Stupid in all of my repentant, resplendent, and buttery glory coming to you in the wrote down fashion type a thing.

For the next forty days and forty nights, that began with the aforemended You Tube thing, I am going to appear on every type of media outlet that will have me, in order to apologize and/or defend myself.

I’m calling my hurried and harried media mea culpa blitz…

Paula’s Incredible Edible Regrettable Tour™ !!

Let me tell you folks.  I have only used the word, nigger once in my life, and that was when I was describing, to my husband mind y’all, the assailant who put a gun to my head during a bank robbery.

I was shaken and stirred and knew not what I was saying, and y’all know what?

When I think about it, it would have been better if I had called the guy with the gun to my head, a nigger, because if I had, I would probably be dead and not have to suffer the unwarranted and hurtful stones being cast upon me by the media and public opinion.

People are out to destroy me, because they are jealous of my success.  People like Lisa Jackson who say that I created a hostile work environment full of racial jokes and pornography.  I have even been attributed to saying the following:

What…on…Earth?

How could I have said that…I would never go for something like that.  I mean c’mon y’all…

Long sleeves and bow ties with shorts?  That’s just a stupid look!!  They would have to wear pants!!  No self-respecting, tap dancing, wait staff jigaboo tap dances in shorts!!

Listen y’all…My culinary media empire is strong.  I built my success upon a foundation of sturdy, high cholesterol, and deep fried blocks.  I didn’t build the foundation of my industry success upon the shakiness of a bunch of niggers in a woodpile.  Although…

I was the one who got Patrick and Gina Neely their own show on The Food Network, so maybe I did have a couple of darkies in the foundational mix, but listen…

I love Patrick and Gina so much, and they are black mind you, that I had my friend and ceramics guy Jim “Butterfingers” Vogel, form and bake me up a couple of little statues of the Neelys, which are always on display atop my kitchen table, as you can clearly see…

It's as though they are both holding giant doughnuts in their hands...Uh-huh, y’all…Who’s the racist now!!?

And let me tell you before I go…

After I moved out of mammy and pappy’s and got my first real job....One of the first things I did was buy a dog for protection.  He was strong, always alert, and a very well-hung dog.  And do y’all know what I named him?

Shaft.

This was even during the George Wallace years.  If that ain’t showing love for my bruthas and sistahs, I don’t know what is.

Thanks for having me here today on I’m With Stupid, now if you’ll excuse me, I am off to have a well earned meal of fried chicken, collard greens, and watermelon with Darius Rucker.  He’s such a get-a-longer, go-a-longer.

What?  No worries...Darius is one of those "tame ones."

Best Dishes to You,

Paula Deen

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