Hola fashionistas! I really needed a pair of jeans and none
are available here in town. I mean, sure we have a Penny’s and a Wal-Mart, but
they don’t carry anything I like or anything that fits right. Well, Wal-Mart might
but I hate Wal-Mart. So, I decided to go to Branson, MO.
My first stop: Target.
Deep in my heart I know that the jeans they carry are not going to fit right. They’re going to be uncomfortable or just look funny. But, my mind says “Give the $16.99 jeans a try. You never really know, dude.” Well, I do know and once again they didn’t have anything that fit right. So, I picked up a 7 pack of Hanes underwear and headed for the front.
As I was walking towards the front I noticed a very pleasant and attractive looking lady walking towards me. She gave me a little smile and I smiled back and said “hello” to her. She said “hello” back and then she checked out my package. I’m talking about the package of underwear I was carrying people! Sheesh! I wonder if she was checking to see if they were boxer or briefs. Maybe she was guessing one way and checking to see if she was right.
Next stop: K-Mart.
Is there a more depressing place in the world than K-Mart? People who go to Wal-Mart make fun of the people who go to K-Mart. Most department stores love to focus on profits per square foot of floor space. Hopefully K-Mart doesn’t follow this theory cause there was more open space in there than in Paris Hilton’s personal library.
Anyway, following the same crazy pipe dream that makes me check the lottery numbers even though I know I’m not going to win, I headed back to the men’s section to see what they had in the way of jeans. Because the fitting rooms are approximately 37.733 miles from the men’s dept I decided to take four pairs of jeans to try on.
There were two open dressing rooms. I inspected each of them thoroughly to see if there was a glory hole in either. Unfortunately there wasn’t so I went ahead and tried on the jeans. The first pair was tight around the waist and loose around the seat. So I folded it as neatly as it was on the shelf and set it aside. The second pair was loose around the waist and tight around the seat. I folded them nicely too. The third pair was just tight all over. I just wadded them up and tossed them aside. I decided not to bother with the other pair, but went ahead and wadded them up too just for good measure.
I walked out of K-Mart cussing under my breath. “Why can’t any of those six year old kids that are chained to their sewing machines in China make a single pair of inexpensive jeans that will fit me?? It’s all just so unfair.”
So I went to Casual Male and found a decent pair of jeans for $34.99. Not the $16.99 I was hoping for at Target or $21.99 at K-Mart. How the hell is K-Mart more expensive than Target? That makes no sense whatsoever.
Anyway, I finally got my damn jeans. Now it’s time to start drinking to forget about my horrible shopping ordeal.
My first stop: Target.
Deep in my heart I know that the jeans they carry are not going to fit right. They’re going to be uncomfortable or just look funny. But, my mind says “Give the $16.99 jeans a try. You never really know, dude.” Well, I do know and once again they didn’t have anything that fit right. So, I picked up a 7 pack of Hanes underwear and headed for the front.
As I was walking towards the front I noticed a very pleasant and attractive looking lady walking towards me. She gave me a little smile and I smiled back and said “hello” to her. She said “hello” back and then she checked out my package. I’m talking about the package of underwear I was carrying people! Sheesh! I wonder if she was checking to see if they were boxer or briefs. Maybe she was guessing one way and checking to see if she was right.
Next stop: K-Mart.
Is there a more depressing place in the world than K-Mart? People who go to Wal-Mart make fun of the people who go to K-Mart. Most department stores love to focus on profits per square foot of floor space. Hopefully K-Mart doesn’t follow this theory cause there was more open space in there than in Paris Hilton’s personal library.
Anyway, following the same crazy pipe dream that makes me check the lottery numbers even though I know I’m not going to win, I headed back to the men’s section to see what they had in the way of jeans. Because the fitting rooms are approximately 37.733 miles from the men’s dept I decided to take four pairs of jeans to try on.
There were two open dressing rooms. I inspected each of them thoroughly to see if there was a glory hole in either. Unfortunately there wasn’t so I went ahead and tried on the jeans. The first pair was tight around the waist and loose around the seat. So I folded it as neatly as it was on the shelf and set it aside. The second pair was loose around the waist and tight around the seat. I folded them nicely too. The third pair was just tight all over. I just wadded them up and tossed them aside. I decided not to bother with the other pair, but went ahead and wadded them up too just for good measure.
I walked out of K-Mart cussing under my breath. “Why can’t any of those six year old kids that are chained to their sewing machines in China make a single pair of inexpensive jeans that will fit me?? It’s all just so unfair.”
So I went to Casual Male and found a decent pair of jeans for $34.99. Not the $16.99 I was hoping for at Target or $21.99 at K-Mart. How the hell is K-Mart more expensive than Target? That makes no sense whatsoever.
Anyway, I finally got my damn jeans. Now it’s time to start drinking to forget about my horrible shopping ordeal.
9 comments:
'time to start drinking'
Then you know the jeans won't fit tomorrow, right?
I'm really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it's rare to see a great blog
like this one nowadays.
Take a look at my web page luxe vakantiehuizen
Are you as picky when buying a new purse as you are when buying jeans, Sally? Cheers!!
Matt-Man
I feel your pain. The key to jeans shopping is to drink BEFORE you go. Or maybe that's just me;)
"Casual Male"?? Really? I'm oddly impressed!
Mike: Oddly enough, drinking makes them fit better.
Jay
Matt-Man: I just have to make sure I have shoes that will match the purse.
Jay
Beth: Or, the key might be to just go around with no pants!
Jay
Dana: Well you KNOW I'm not going to go to Formal Male! ;-)
Jay
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