Good Thursday morning to those of you in attendance on the IWS website today.I am Special Agent Burt Orange with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, or as you civilians call it…The FBI.
Specifically, I am the Special Agent within the Bureau’s, Domestic Chicanery and Shenanigans Unit (DCSU).
At the behest of the Department of Justice, my unit Chief one Rex Fern, ordered me to immediately begin an investigation into Matt-Man and Jayman dba IWS World Media Entertainment Group…aka IWS Radio…aka Matty Vegas and Premium Jay Enterprises LLC.
I began my thorough, if not illegal investigation (which we code named Operation Heartache) of the alleged satirical duo at 0600 hours on 10 October 2012.
I bugged their offices. Tapped their phones. Procured their emails. Talked to members of their vast and diverse worldwide audience, and…
Masquerading as a physician, I even talked with their friend Schmoop after drugging her up prior to her bile duct surgery which took place precisely at 0730 hours on 14 December 2012 just as I had planned.
Yessssssssss. As any good FBI agent will tell you, a few congealed and well-placed butternut squash seeds can invoke bile duct distress and parlay more yellow skin than a China man in and on a person in a matter of hours.
While much of what I have gleaned about these two is still classified as of, 0000 hours on 23 May 2013, I can speak to a few things about these two that are most disturbing if you happen to be an American citizen in good standing.
Neither of them attend Church. If they do attend a religious service, it is only because there is a funeral of someone they know, and even then, they attend not out of respect, but merely for the free snacks afterward.
Jayman has oft times forced his own mother into what can only be described as a Gray Haired Labor Camp, as she is regularly ordered to record alleged funny bits for the IWS Radio Show.
Matt-Man has many times plied his “unmarried harlot of a friend” with alcohol so she will record a bumper that tells the world just how damn naked she is, while he and Jayman force her to pee on the air.
What type of sick, twisted, and anti-American minds do these types of things..?
Domestic Terrorists, that’s who!! And their House of Marked Cards? It’s foundation cast in sand is about to tumble.
Oh sure, these two freedom hating bastards yuk it up every Sunday on the air and every day on this website, but while they are “innocently” yukking it up, they are intentionally poisoning the minds of our children, our grandchildren, and the American public.
Oh my Dear God in Heaven!! They even bastardized the beauty that is Mother’s Day recently on their radio show…
They had on a wonderful mother of modest temper and modest means, and had the audacity to ask her what color underwear she was wearing?!!
Because she was sucked in and helpless against their evil, mind melding, terrorist tactics, this sweet, modest mother replied…
What color is wet!?
Oh the humanity!! If I had a court order to gun down both of these, Fabric of Our Nation Ripping Apart Sunzabitches, I would do so…IMMEDIATELY!!
As God as my witness to my outing of these two hooligans and haters, I know that I have served my country, and have served her well.
Until I see them and you at their Congressional Hearing and/or court trial,
Agent Orange
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
9 comments:
I knew J. Edgar Hoover.
J. Edgar Hoover was a friend of mine.
And YOU, Agent Orange (if that IS your real name) are no J. Edgar Hoover.
Katy: J Edg Hoo was one fancy pants hottie. Cheers Katy!!
Matt-Man
Jayman: What do you expect? FBI Agents have no sense of humor unless they hear the joke about the counterfeiter, the vote suppressor, and the drug runner all walking into the bar. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
This Agent Orange better back off and leave you two alone..or I'll speak to my contacts and he'll have the wrath of the Canadian Armed Forces bearing down on him!
Did that sound scary, at all...did it, did it...huh, huh?
#fail
Jamie: We appreciate the support but I want the RCMP to come down on their horses and break down Agent Orange's office door....That would be way cool. Cheers Jaaaaaamie!!
Matt-Man
'..force her to pee on the air.'
Now I can understand peeing 'in' the air or 'through' the air. But 'on' the air? Schmoop must have anti-gravity pee lite.
Forget you guys...what else does this guy know about me???
Mike: She is pretty amazing and well, she is a Superhero after all. Cheers Mike!!
Matt-Man
Beth: I'd rather not discuss what Agent Orange knows about you in this forum, but you should set an appointment with the IWS legal team asap. Cheers Schmoooooop!!
Matt-Man
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