Hola y’all! Well, the apartment manager was upstairs
yesterday with a clip board inspecting the empty apartment. I guess that means
someone has rented it and will be moving in soon. I’ve been expecting someone
to move in over the long Memorial Day Weekend anyway. Needless to say I’m very
concerned that it might be another loud asshole. I’m hoping for lesbians
though. I think lesbians would make great neighbors. In fact, I decided to
break it all down scientifically to see if my assumption that lesbians would be
superior neighbors to a straight couple.
Straight Couple: Loud rap or (even worse) country music.
Lesbian Couple: Indigo Girls, K.D. Lang and Meshell Ndegeocello.
Adv: Lesbians
Straight Couple: Bed
squeaking, man grunting, woman moaning.
Lesbian Couple: Bed
squeaking, TWO WOMEN MOANING!
Adv: Lesbians
Straight Couple: Man
cussing, woman shrieking during fight.
Lesbian Couple: Two
women shrieking during fight.
Adv: Straights
Straight Party:
Couples & singles, loud rap or country music, eventually a fight breaks
out.
Lesbian Party: A
nice get-together with snacks, indie music and wine for several women they’re
trying to convert.
Adv: Lesbians
Straight Couple:
Walk around in high heels and cowboy boots.
Lesbian Couple: Walk
around in Birkenstocks and work/combat boots.
Adv: Push
Straight Couples:
Steak and potato people.
Lesbian Couples:
Tofu and vegan people.
Adv: Straights
Straight Couple:
Confederate Flags hanging from the window.
Lesbian Couple:
Rainbow Flags hanging from the window.
Adv: Lesbians
Straight Couples:
Watch shows like Real Housewives or Honey Boo Boo.
Lesbian Couples:
Watch “The L-Word”
Adv: Lesbians
Straight Couples:
Play loud video games while jumping around and yelling.
Lesbians: Go
bowling.
Adv: Lesbians
Straight Couple: Fox
and Friends
Lesbian Couple: The
Daily Show
Adv: Lesbians
So you see folks,
when you break it all down scientifically, it’s not so hard to figure it all
out. By a score of 7 – 2 with one push Lesbian Couples are the far preferable
neighbors.
8 comments:
You and your little scientific heyday can revel in your research, but what you are really saying, is that you want to see lesbians have sex together. Man...have you no shame?
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
Straight Couple: Invite downstairs neighbor up for a three way.
Lesbian Couple: Invite downstairs neighbor up for a three way.
Adv: Lesbians
As possibly the ONLY lesbian represented in the comments section, I feel it is my duty to correct you on your stereotypes and assumptions.
But for better or worse, I can't find a single inaccurate statement contained in this post.
We're exactly like that.
Plus, we're probably also more likely to be able to figure out what is wrong with your truck (and fix it) than a straight guy would be.
Matt-Man: That's some heavy-duty projecting right there. ha
Jay
Mike: Oddly enough, neither of them will actually do that.
Jay
Katy: Thanks for having my back like that. No straight person ever would do that!
Jay
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