Hola y’all! I got nothing. So, that means it’s time for another round of Headlines. Please try to hold down the excitement!
- Chicago Cubs optimistic that this will be their best and most exciting last place team in years.
- Area woman pretends to fall for husband’s April Fool’s joke for 27th consecutive year.
- Retiring yoga instructor says his biggest professional failure was to never be named as “the other man” in any of his female student’s divorces.
- Hitler’s grandson says he’s tired of having his grandfather compared to Barack Obama.
- Chicago Cubs optimistic that this will be their best and most exciting last place team in years.
- City passes ordinance requiring anyone hired to operate an ice cream truck pre-emptively register as a sex offender too.
- In an effort to convince guard Aaron Craft to return for his senior season at Ohio State, Coach Thad Matta has convinced school officials to allow Craft to start up a White Power Club.
- Group of Senators and Congressmen with shady pasts get together to stop universal background checks.
- Entire nation loses its shit over gruesome injury suffered by basketball player they’ve never heard of and playing in a game they weren’t watching.
- Baseball fan in Pittsburg falls for the old “It’s opening day and everyone is in first place” line again even though he knows it’s bullshit.
- Obama admin sends warships, bombers, subs and nuclear capable aircraft to South Korea because he says “We just want to put them in a place where we won’t lose them.”
- Alaska Rep Don Young forced to stay late after congressional business to write “I will not use the word ‘wetbacks’ again” on the chalkboard 500 times.
- Fox baseball analyst Tim McCarver says he will retire after this season. “I just can’t be a part of game that refuses to award an RBI to a player who hits into a double-play even though a run scores. I mean a GODDAMN RUN SCORES, RIGHT?” he said “And the guy DID hit the ball with a bat, right? So? Why no RUN BATTED IN? So fucking stupid!”
Okay, that’s enough of those. I can’t use up all my funny in one past ya know!
BTW, you really should check out “Christ’s Coming Out Party” on I’m With Stupid. We covered all kinds of stuff like what Jesus might have been doing while he was in that cave for three days, Jon Hamm’s HUGE package, music from Buddy Acapella, Guy’s interview of the Easter Bunny and on and on and on!
12 comments:
Baseball rule 10.04(b)(1) is just so wrong.
LOL at the headlines. You should check out a list of underwhelming headlines on buzzfeed. They are hilariously... underwhelming!
Happy post-Easter, boys!
Edita
www.pret-a-reporter.co.uk
Baseball would not be the same without Tim McCarver, in fact if he does retire, I may actually watch baseball again. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
Mike: Almost as wrong as all those unwritten rules!
Jay
Edita: Happy post-Easter to you too babe!
Jay
Matt-Man: It's time to retire the Game of the Week too. Nobody watches it. Just let people watch their own team.
Jay
I would read all those stories
omg I wonder if the husband has been faking how awesome my April Fools Day jokes are all this time. I will get to the bottom of this!!!
It never occurred to me to wonder what Jesus was doing in the cave for 3 days.
Bonafide Jones: They do all seem rather interesting, don't they?
Jay
Jo: But, surely he was doing SOMETHING in there? Right?
I'm sure your April Fool's jokes were awesome.
Jay
I thought he was just laying around. It kind of sounds like a spa treatment. Cave, darkness, laying around, then you come out all shiny.
Jo: He probably did the mud-pack thing to keep his skin looking young and pretty.
Jay
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