Friday, April 19, 2013

Boston Bombers, Busted Condoms, and Birthdays

Cheeeeeeers and Happy Friday Chuckleheads!!

It’s only Friday morning but wow, it looks as though a big weekend is already upon us.

One of the Boston Marathon bombers has been gunned down, and the other at the time of this writing, is armed to the teeth and lurking somewhere within the shadows of infinite justice.

Funny thing though…I guess these events were kicked off by the deleterious duo robbing a 7-11 store.  I find it odd that these two, who allegedly are from overseas would rob and terrorize a store that is undoubtedly run by one of their own ilk.  Odd indeed, but anyhoo…

In the Greater Bagwine area, tomorrow kicks off the beginning of the High School Prom season, which means a couple of things.

One, during tomorrow’s long stint at the Beer Mine, I’ll have to be on heightened alert as underage teens attempt to purchase wine coolers and Reese’s Cups.

And two?  Young teenage couples delighting in the magical prom night moment will quickly become distraught when they discover that the condom they used, busted during their barely post-pubescent prom passion.

On Sunday as always, Jay and I will be broadcasting LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET as IWS Radio produces another monster Blog Talk Radio Show.  We will be drafting our favorite people and things from a variety of areas from favorite beers, to comedians, to sports people, and fave monarchs just to name a few.

And speaking of monarchs, the royal kind not the butterfly type, Sunday is a HUGE day in the realm of regalality.  Queen Elizabeth II will be turning 86 years of age, which to me, proposes a bit of a conundrum.

I would like to get her a little something for her birthday, but what does one get for a person who LITERALLY has everything?

I mean c’mon, Liz is not just a Queen, her full title is...

Elizabeth II, By the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of her other Realms and Territories, Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith…

Holy Bangers and Mash, with a name like that, she strikes me as a person who is more than a bit difficult to buy for.

I’m sure she has a least one pony.  Could I perhaps purchase a birthday tiara for her?  Nope, she has plenty of those.  I could splurge and put a down payment on a castle for her majesty. Too late, been done!!

I could reserve a quaint and kitschy horse-drawn carriage ride for her.  Pfffffft, I guess she can do that any day.  Jesus Christ this is hard!!

Could I buy her a country?  Create a currency with her face on it?  A plane, a tank, an aircraft carrier?

No, no no, no, and no.  Dat hierarchical hussy has gots ALL da bling!!

Hmmmmmm….I know…I could give her a nickname.  Yeah that’s it.  And I know what it should be.  I shall dub upon her the nickname, Milkshake.

Why Milkshake you ask?  Because I have it on good authority that Queen Liz has one sweet ass and knows how to work it.  In fact…

It’s been reported that former Prime Minister Tony Blair once said as she was walking away from him, “Wow your Majesty!! Would you like some chips with that shake!?”

Yeah that’s the ticket.  My gift to the Queen shall be the moniker of, Milkshake.

Sometimes, my genius knows no bound.

Have an awesome weekend folks, and I’ll see you Sunday on the radio.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

12 comments:

Beth said...

Ha! Hey, can I have the tiara you were going to buy her? Pweeese.

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Sure, or would you rather have me buy you some grub from Taco Bell? Cheers and Zooooves Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

It's gonna be a fun morning watching people try to find a way to make two brothers from Chechnya who have been here since '01 fit their political narratives. I'm sure they'll make it work though.

I say just give the Queen a nice birthday card and maybe some flowers. Possibly a gift card to Pizza Hut. Simple gifts are always the best.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Ha IKR? This whole Russian/Chechnyan thing really threw ME for a loop!! Who'd a thunk... especially since they have been here so long. As for the Queen? Let her eat cake!! Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Katy Anders said...

7-11 has been the scene of the start of a lot of epic disaster nights.

If you're looking to start your night wrong, you don't even need to rob them.

There's something about going to a 7-11 - for alcohol or cigarettes or beef jerky - that guarantees the night is going to take a bad turn.

Alas, Tamerlan and Dzhokhar didn't consult me before starting their ill-fated evening.

I'm With Stupid said...

Katy: There is no good reason to go to a 7-11 unless one is having a mid-life crisis and is having a desire to buy and re-discover that Slurpee from their youth. Cheers Katy!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Hell, this ting probably all started after they had a 7-11 hot dog that had been sitting under a heat lamp since the Carter administration. 7-11 is a very dangerous place.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Decades old "roller food" can drive a saint to murder. Cheers Jayman.

Matt

Mike said...

I think the queen needs a bottle of WIR.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Y'know? That's not a bad idea. Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

jAMiE said...

As a citizen of one the HRH commonwealth nations, I approve your nickname.

ps...i love Liz

I'm With Stupid said...

Jamie: Ha. Thank you and here's to Liz. Cheers Jaaaaaamie!!

Matt-Man