Seems that yesterday, the gaudily dressed gaggle of Eucharist eating pedophiles from across the globe conclaved and elected a new leader of the Roman Catholic Church.
Well, Praise Jeebus, settle with me out of court, and hand me the gag order concerning your abuse, that’s wonderful!!
Anyhoo…
The new Pope is 76 year old Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, the Archbishop of Buenos Aires, Argentina, and Mr. Bergoglio, has chosen Pope Francis I as his papal name.
Uh-huh…how clever.
Francis? Really? That’s gay. Oh wait? Was that one of the requirements…being gay? Hell, I am clueless, because I wasn’t in the room with all of those sweaty, incense sniffing, drenched in Holy Oil, robe wearing men. I have to plead ignorance on that.
I think I know why Pope Whore-Hey picked the name Francis…He’s from Argentina…Y’know, South America. And dig it…
Do you remember those old b/w movies starring Donald O’Connor and Francis the Talking Mule?
Well my friends, Pope Francis I from South America is a talking mule as well. A talking DRUG MULE!!
Connect the dots as I have folks…Bergoglio’s (if that’s his REAL name) parents came to Argentina from Italy. Y’know…Syndicate City. Francis has drug trading Mafioso written all over his tano face.
Look it…When the white smoke came out of the Vatican chimney, it wasn’t really white smoke…it was pure, unadulterated, Argentine BLOW, Bitches!!
Oh Hell yeah, the Catholic Church is piping in coke on the Buenos Aires to Rome Popemobile as we speak. Child rape settlements don’t settle cheaply my friends, but Francis has the connections to make them all go away in a supernatural and fiduciarily pleasing way. Amen!!
Annnnnd…Ol’ Pope Francis better make his Godly and virginal voodoo work quickly because he is no spring chicken. The bastard is 76. Guess we can expect another conclave in four years, amirite!? Hell electing a Pope is gonna become like the Olympics!!
Every four years, gay, juiced up Catholic theologians will gather into the venue of shame and denial and elect a “venerable” man who is less shameful and in denial as the rest of them.
As a former Catholic, I ask myself at times…
“Where the Hell is the first Pope, St. Peter, when you need him?” And then I realize…
Peter is in the ass of some innocent kid in the silent and cloistered vestibule of a Catholic Church.
And what I find ironic?
Never ever, should an elected Pope ever choose their Papal name to be Pope Peter or Pope Innocent.
Well…okay maybe they should, because that would be fucking funny…and sad.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
8 comments:
It's kind of hilarious and very damn sad that we've basically lowered the bar for the Catholic Church to "anything other than raping children is okay."
76 years old and only one lung. Another "vigorous" Pope!
Jay
Jayman: WTF? It is both hilarious and dumbfounding...Why can't these idiots fix their own problems especially since the problems are so glaring...They continue to do the same things. Jesus Christ!! Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
This pope won't have to quit. I don't think he'll last that long.
And why is Francis adding the 'I'? I thought the numbers didn't start showing up until 'II'.
Mike: Evidently you are not Latin...er...Latin American...er...South American...er...I don't know, but it looks more impressive that way. Cheers Mike!!
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Jo; Ha...And I still love you. Cheers Jo!!
Matt-Man
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