Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Oscars Fashion Report with Bonnie & Clyde

Hola y’all! Bonnie Boner and Clyde S. Dale are here for IWS with the only Oscars Fashion Report you’ll need. They’re gonna talk about who looked great and not so great on Hollywood’s biggest night.

Bonnie: Thanks so much to the guys at IWS for asking us to do the Fashion Report! We’re soooo excited, right Clyde?
Clyde: OHHH ….. MYGOD! This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me since I saw Lance Bass doing the walk of shame outside of my West Village apartment at 7 am one Sunday morning!
Bonnie: Okay, we should get started. I’M SO EXCIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITED!
Clyde: Honey, you need to calm down! Although, it is nice to see you living up to your last name.

First up: Anne Hathaway…

Bonnie: I really do love Anne. I mean, she’s a truly gifted actress and a really great human being. I know that because she’s told me that she’s both of those things over and over and over. And, judging by this picture she’s happy to see me! It’s okay though I’ve seen her boobs more times than I’ve seen my own. We get it Anne, you’ve got great boobs. Thanks.

Clyde: Girl, we need to head up to San Quentin and find some guys who are in prison for a gang rape and have them hold her down and force feed her a cheeseburger. And what’s with the hair? Seriously Anne, even Daniel Day Lewis didn’t stay in character all the way to the Oscars. Let the hair grow out again and stop barfing up your dinner.

Next we have Jennifer Aniston…

Bonnie: Well, it certainly was a surprise to see Jen there. I mean, we know she isn’t there because she was nominated for anything. I guess they just took pity on her and offered to let her present. Hollywood is so full of caring people like that.

Clyde: It is, Bonnie and you’d think she would pay her friends who got her into this back by actually dressing up and at least pretending to enjoy the event. I get that she’s depressed that she’s about that age where in a few years she will have to buy a ticket, but that’s no reason to be such a sourpuss.

Okay, now we’ve got Octavia Spencer…

Bonnie: Oh dear. Well, look, Octavia is a very nice person, I met her once when I accidentally thought she was clearing tables and washing dishes at Chateau Marmot one night. It was an honest mistake.

Clyde: Yeah, and we know who was eating all of Anne Hathaway’s leftovers too! And the desserts! Hey-OOOOOOOOO!

And real quick, last one in this segment is Heidi Klum…

Bonnie: Wow! You know, I’m not saying that Heidi doesn’t look good for someone so … well, someone her age, but is it really necessary to be hanging out all over the place? God, we’ve seen those things enough anyway. And, quit pretending that they’re still naturally that firm and perky!

Clyde: IKNOWRITE? Girl, if you took those implants out and burned them that silicone would create so much white smoke they would see it all the way in Rome and think they found a new Pope already. Besides, it’s not like Heidi is actually an actress or anything like that. There’s just no reason to show up at a party to celebrate a group you’re not a part of dressed like you’re ready to sample some sausages in the back after the show Fräulein.

Okay, that’s it for the first segment of today’s Fashion Report on IWS. Be sure to stay with us through the break because when we come back we’re gonna answer the question “Which will Kristen Stewart do first? Sober up, or shower?” Also, later in the show we’ll have female bloggers from various feminist sites on to dish more fashion AND talk about what a mean, hateful, sexist, racist and misogynist jerk Seth MacFarlane is. You don’t want to miss that!

Also, be sure to join us for I Love My Khuntry on I'm With Stupid as we talk about all the hoopla and over the top fake outrage and anger over this year's Oscars as well as other big news of the week at 11 AM ET! 


I'm With Stupid said...

I'm digging Heidi Klum and her "luft balloons". Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

Heidi's right is showing more than her left. I can help her with an adjustment.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: She's okay, I guess.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: You're just such a helpful gentleman.