Saturday, February 16, 2013

Matt Said, Jay Said 21613

Matt whimpers…Jay moans…You get their assisted living rooms ready.

Matt:  Hellooooo?
Jay:  Wait a minute…(garbled noise) (more garbled noise) Okay…Hi.
Matt:  What the hell were you doing?  Stuffing a dead hooker in your fridge?
Jay:  I was tryi----
Matt:  Hold on…my boss is calling me, I’ll you alert as to when he is done.
Jay:  Okay.

(five minutes pass, Jay calls back)

Matt:  Howdy.
Jay:  Could you answer your damn phone?
Matt:  I just did.
Jay:  I mean on the first ring.
Matt:  Hell no…I’m old, and my kidneys hurt.  Takes me awhile to get to it.
Jay:  Alright.
Matt:  How’s your back?
Jay:  It has felt like shit since I put together that table this week.
Matt:  Whatafuckingshame…What are we going to talk about on Saturday’s show?

Jay:  I was going to ask you.
Matt:  Well…I had two thoughts.
Jay:  Wow, that’s impressive…and unprecedented.
Matt:  Cute…Either, Open Phone Line Saturday, or a President’s Day show type thing and...
Jay:  Giving up Rose and Steel Reserve has made you more lucid, but I dunno, those ideas seem a bit….
Matt:  Orrrrrr…We could talk about guys who are afraid to give up Pepsi for Lent.

Jay:  I loooooove the Open Phone Line Saturday idea.
Matt:  Yeah. I mean the President’s Day thing would be good, but…
Jay:  But who really cares?
Matt:  Exactly…we want numbers and ratings.
Jay:  Damn right, we’re not beneath putting quantity before quality.
Matt:  Never have been.
Jay:  Never will.

Matt:  We can encourage listeners to call-in and get whatever is on their chest, off their chest.
Jay:  They could speak their mind about the Russian meteor, Chuck Hagel, or the State of the Union.

Matt:  They could chime in on Oscar Pistorius the legless sprinter who killed his girlfriend.
Jay:  Frankly, I am stumped as to why he did that.
Matt:  IKR?
Jay:  We could open up the phone lines for opinions on Christopher Dorner, and what constitutes a cabin.
Matt:  Excellent!!  We could also talk about the fact that today is Singles Awareness Day.

Jay:  It’s what?  Sing---?
Matt:  Singles Awareness Day.  After Valentine’s Day, single people have their special day.
Jay:  Oh wow…I didn't know that.
Matt:  Well now you do, so I guess in this case, an “Awareness Day” actually worked.
Jay:  How ‘bout that?  Fascinating.  I’ll make sure to nuke a special Hormel Meal for One today.

Matt:  So I guess we’re set.  Hope the listeners support our efforts and call-in, but if not…
Jay:  If not, we have plenty of magic with which to work our speculative comedy.
Matt:  Alrighty then. I will see you on the air at 11 PM ET tonight!!
Jay:  Yep…Provided my back doesn't go out again.
Matt:  And my kidney pain doesn't flare back up.
Jay and Matt:  I think we’re ready for Open Line Saturday!!

If you’d like to listen in, and or call-in LIVE TONIGHT at 11 PM ET on the IWS Open Line Radio Show you can click right : HERE
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7 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I bet Christopher Dorner is totally naked in that pic.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Oh without a doubt, and it doesn't come as a surprise. I hear that OJ Simpson and John Wayne Gacy often posed nude as well. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

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Dianne said...

one of the things I love most about you two is how I get this warm tickled giggly feeling as I read your conversations

If I stay awake I will call in tonight

I'm With Stupid said...

I feel warm and tickled when you comment or call in. If you're awake, we'll have the music cued up baby. Cheers Di!!

Matt-Man

Jo said...

I love you guys, but I hope I'm not in the same old folks home as you, it'll just be "oh my kidneys, oh my duodenum, I think I broke my cocyx..." when actually that's the time when we could otherwise get away with setting things on fire.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: I may have to steal that joke. Cheers Jo!!

Matt-Man