Lent and Lunch are Like Peanut Butter and Jelly ... Or Something

Hola y’all! You know what? I’m kind of having a problem with two things, and they both begin with the letter “L.”  There are a lot of things that begin with the letter “L” that really suck. Just of the top of my head I can think of  love, loneliness, lobotomy, losers, litter, lawyers, licorice, lunatic, liars, liver, Lichtenstein, love letter, lizards, leprechauns, lice, lameness, loins, lettuce and well, LIFE!  I’m sure there’s a lot more, but you get the idea. But, like I said, there are two things that begin with “L” that are really pissing me off right now …

Lunch and Lent.

I really don’t care for either. They’re both stooooopid! And, I can never decide what I should do about either. So, I guess the obvious thing to do is combine the two. No, I’m not giving up having lunch for lent, but there are some things I’m going to give up having for lunch during lent.

Originally I was going to give up Pepsi for lent, but then I thought, fuck that. See, there are some very good reasons not to give up Pepsi for lent. 1) I don’t want to. 2) I won’t do it. 3) It’s not worth it.

I’ve done the lent thing a few times. I gave up alcohol one year, which was much easier than it seems. I gave up chips and fast food another year. Again, that wasn’t a really big sacrifice. Now, I know people say you should give up something big that you really love. This somehow brings us closer to God and gives us strength and blah, blah, blah. If that works for you then that’s great and I totally support your lifestyle choices. But, it hasn’t done shit for me. In fact, even after participating in this lent-thing what did I get from God?

HEARTACHE!

God damn right, bitches! Nothing but heartache. So, what’s the point? Why should I bother? Especially if I try something I know I’m not going to succeed at. Or worse, something I have no intention of succeeding at. In this case, trying and failing will not be superior in any way to not trying at all.

So, what to do? Ignore lent? Well, I’d like to. That would also mean ignoring Matt-Man’s attempts and guilting me into observing lent, which really wouldn’t be that hard to do. But, part of me feels like I should do something, if for no other reason to provide moral support for my partner in crime Mattcicle. Oh and that whole “get closer to God” thing too.

This is where lunch comes in. I’m terrible at lunch. I always end up eating something “bad.” I tend to have hot dogs, cheeseburgers, frozen pizza, breaded chicken patties, Beefaroni … shit like that for lunch. Well, that’s gonna just have to change. For lent I will give up those “bad” things that I have for lunch (including the chips I would have with some of those items). This way I will not only observe lent, but I will use it for good.

Trying to give up Pepsi, and failing, really wouldn’t accomplish a thing. But, if I stop eating unhealthy things at lunch, and replace them with healthier things or at least things not super unhealthy, then I will be doing something positive. It’s fucking brilliant!

So, the great Lent Crisis of 2013 has been avoided.*

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS


*I wrote this post on Wednesday, February 13, 2013, the first day of lent. But, since I had BBQ Pork Sandwich for lunch today, I started lent on the 14th. I checked with Jesus and he’s totally cool with it.