Jay's LEAST Favorite Words

Hola y’all! Okay, so we’ve had two days of frivolity as I talked about my favorite words on Monday, followed by Matt-Man doing the same on Tuesday. So, what should I do today? Talk about my LEAST favorite words, of course. Heh … I swear, we’re so damn brilliant sometimes it hurts.

Anyway, off the top of my head here are some of the words that I can’t stand or possibly give me the heebei-jeebees…

Foodie: No, getting the brown mustard on your Gourmet Smoked Ham Club at Jimmy John’s does NOT make you a foodie. Foodies eat things not available at fast food joints or food carts. Even though foodies tend to be a bit pretentious and hipster-like, I don’t really mind them, just the word.

Panties: The correct word is “skivvies.” Skivvies is a much more festive word than “panties.” If you say “I’d love to see her in her panties” I would assume you were talking about a girl. But, if you say “I’d love to see her in her skivvies” I would assume she is not only a woman, but a woman doing something fun and exciting.

Potty: Do you have to go wee-wee? Or make dookie? No? Then you don’t have to go “potty.” Just excuse yourself or say “I gotta take a leak” or “I gotta wiz” or jump up and yell “PEE BREAK!”

Squishy: Pretty much anything that is squishy will also be slimy. I’m not a fan of either. Also, if something is squishy it probably squeaks and makes other very annoying noises. If something is squishy (and therefore slimy) I will have to use food safe gloves to handle it.

Vomit: This word is just too descriptive. It’s allows me to visualize what you did and even recall what it might smell like from previous vomiting by other people. Let’s just stick with “I got sick and threw up” Thank you.

Guacamole: I can’t stand either the word or the slimy (and therefore squishy) green disgusting food-like substance.

Plethora: This word is just used too often by people who think they’re soooo fancy-pants for using it. Enough!

Bling: Again, enough with this word. People are using to describe rings they find at the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. If you’re not a gangsta or a rapper you don’t have any bling. Sorry.

Chum: Really? A word that can describe a really good friend OR chopped up fish, blood and guts used to attract sharks? I don’t think. And, if your local Mafia boss ever calls you “chum” you better go into hiding.

Using “Sammy” for “Sandwich” or “Addy” for “Address” or “Pressies” for “Presents.” They all bug the shit outta me.

Prudent: I don’t like prudes. Or prunes, not that they are related to prudes, but the words are similar so I just thought I’d throw that in there. Anyway, “prudent” means do something a prude would do. Or at least it does to me. Screw that.

Literally: “OMG! That list was so funny I literally laughed my ass off!” … No, you didn’t.

Okay, there you go. Words I can’t stand. Now be sure to let me know that you consider yourself a foodie who wears panties and has to go potty a few times a day and that you are very, very offended.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS