Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Inside the Debt Limit Talks

Hola Y’all! Now that the big Fiscal Cliff fight is over, it’s time to move on to the Sequester and Debt Limit fights. This will run simultaneously with the fight over the nomination of Chuck Hagel to SecDef. Man, the republicans are pissed about this one. They can’t believe Obama has nominated a guy who had the temerity to stand up to Israel. ONCE! Monster!

Man, that’s we ever do in this country anymore. Fight. Fight. Fight! Luckily though, IWS World Media News Division has gotten a sneak peak how the negotiations are going to go. Check it out…

Obama: Thanks for being here today Mr. Speaker
Boehner: SPENDING CUTS!!! SPENDING CUTS!!!
Obama: We’ll get to that, but let’s do this in a more formal manner.
Boehner: SPENDING CUTS!!!
Obama: Look, if you want to make the opening offer, go right ahead.
Boehner: WE DEMAND SPENDING CUTS!!
Obama: You’ll have to be more specific. What do you want to cut?
Boehner: No YOU be specific! YOU propose the cuts.
Obama: I don’t want to make any spending cuts, so you’ll have to do it.
Boehner: SPENDING CUTS!!!!
Obama: Okay, fine. We'll talk cuts. How 'bout we start with the Defense Budget?
Boehner: GO FUCK YOURSELF!

*John Boehner goes off to have a good cry and a couple of drinks.*

Harry Reid: Good afternoon Mr. Speaker.
Boehner: SPENDING CUTS!!! SPENDING CUTS!!!!
Reid: Stop screaming John. Let’s do this the right way.
Boehner: WE DEMAND SPENDING CUTS!
Reid: What would you like to cut? Which programs?
Boehner: FUCK YOU! You propose the cuts!
Reid: No. You want them, you have to propose them.
Boehner: This is bullshit! You should have to.
Reid: But we don’t want spending cuts, so we don’t have any to propose. Unless you want to make cuts in the Defense Budget?
Boehner: GO FUCK YOURSELF!

*John Boehner goes off to cry and have a couple of drinks.*

Joe Biden: Hola Johnny-Boy! Mr. Speakerino! What can I do for ya?
Boehner: Mr. Vice President, my caucus is demanding spending cuts.
Joe: Okay, I knew you guys would want that. What do you want to cut?
Boehner: SPENDING YOU STUPID IRISH BASTARD!
Joe: Calm down J.B. It’s gonna be okay.
Boehner: NOT IF WE DON’T GET ANY SPENDING CUTS!
Joe: Well, make a proposal.
Boehner: NO YOU MAKE THE PROPOSAL!
Joe: What do you want me to propose?
Boehner: GOD DAMN SPENDING CUTS!
Joe: We don’t want to cut spending so you have to make specific proposals. Let's start with the Defense Budget.
Boehner: GO FUCK YOURSELF!

*John Boehner goes off to cry and have a couple of drinks.*

Mitch McConnell: Yes, Mr. Speaker, what is it?
Boehner: I can’t get them to propose any spending cuts.
Mitch: Did you push hard for any?
Boehner: OF COURSE I DID TURTLE BOY!
Mitch: That was unnecessary.
Boehner: SO ARE YOU!
Mitch: Nice comeback Orange Man.
Boehner: *sniff* *sniff* We’re supposed to be on the same side.
Mitch: Okay, I’m sorry. What did you offer them.
Boehner: SPENDING CUTS!!
Mitch: Hmm … That should have worked.
Boehner: IKNOWRIGHT?
Mitch: I guess I could make some calls and see what I can do.
Boehner: *sniff* You don’t mind?
Mitch: Not at all. I love bailing you out all the time.
Boehner: GO FUCK YOURSELF!

*John Boehner sobs uncontrollably while drinking Jim Beam straight from the bottle.*

Looks like lots of very mature and serious discussions about very serious issues. It’s tough for Boehner and the republicans though. They desperately want Social Security and Medicare cuts, but they don’t want to be the ones proposing or even voting yes on them. This is gonna be a tricky maneuver to try and pull off. Best of luck to them.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

4 comments:

Katy Anders said...

We can cut the stuff that is pork and the stuff that is wasteful.

There.

Name something.

Anything.

Come on. Aren't there still $500 screws getting sold to the Department of defense? Oh, wait: Rumsfeld cancelled all of the audits of Defense, so we don't know.

I think we can all agree that we should keep the good stuff and get rid of the bad stuff, though.

I'm With Stupid said...

That Boehner guy is such a cry baby. Glad he's not me Congres----Oh wait. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Katy: It's just that simple!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: He represents the people of 8th District of Ohio in every way imaginable.

Jay