Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Missing Two Minutes

Hola all you folks who don’t speak so eloquently and shit. So, it turns out there’s a missing two minutes from the Romney “47 Percenters” video. *Dramatic Music* Man, Mitt gets more like Richard Nixon every single day, doesn’t he? Anyway, those missing two minutes are just what Fox News and the right-wing blogs needed to try to claim the video has been manipulated and put their lizard-brain listeners and readers at ease. 

But, the big question is “What happened during the missing two minutes?” It even became a hashtag game on Twitter for a while this morning. So, I thought I would chime in with a few guesses as to what might have happened in the missing two minutes myself.

- Matt-Man hit the couch button

- Mitt takes a swig of bottled water, offers the bottle to his dog that is in his crate and quickly pulls it away at the last second yelling “PSYCH!”

- *buffering*…*buffering*…*buffering*…*buffering*...*buffering*...*buffering*

- H.R. Halderman walks into the room and says “Excuse me, there’s been a break in at the Watergate Building.”

- Clint Eastwood wanders into the room in his pajamas, grabs a salmon Panini and glass of wine and leaves.

- Mitt tells everyone “Let’s dance GANGNAM STYLE!”

- Ann Romney walks in the room with a tray full of deserts. Mitt says “Just set those down anywhere honey and move along, this is men talk here.”

- Mitt stopped long enough for him and everyone in the room to do a line of coke off a stripper’s ass.

- Speech was interrupted by Donald Trump screaming “FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS A PLATE AND NO A-1 SAUCE FOR MY STEAK? WHAT THE HELL?”

- Pee Break With Schmoop

- A drunken Kathy Lee Gifford staggered into the room asking if anyone had seen Frank and began crying uncontrollably when she was told he left with a cocktail waitress.

- Rush Limbaugh passed out party favors (party favors = oxycontin pills)

- Mitt decided to do a little crowd work: “Hey big guy … where you from? Albuquerque? More like AlbuCRACKIE, amirite? Hahaha … How ‘bout you Ginger Ninja? Pittsburgh? Damn. I spent a month there one weekend. I was speaking to an hoteliers association and they put me up in a room so small I had to go into the hallway to change my mind. Hey-OOOO … I spent the whole night going in and out of my room. Hahhahaha! I change my mind a lot. Get it? Get it? Anyway, you guys have been a great crowd don’t forget to stiff your wait staff. Fuck those guys, right? Fucking moochers.”

So, as you can see, the mysterious missing two minutes went pretty much like the rest of the speech. But, if you haven’t had enough of Mitt and the Moochers (that would make a great name for a band!) then you should totally listen to IWS’s Wednesday show.

Actually, you should listen to it no matter what. Fresh on the heels of yet ANOTHER number one show, we talked about some other shocking revelations on the Mitt video, Matt having to pay a “bitter tax” and then our favorite Canadian Jamie called in and gave the show a little international flavor and some much needed class. Then we talked about Nickelback’s popularity and gave a shout out to our colleague Jay Mohr from the Mohr Stories Podcast and his brilliant sitcom “Gary Unmarried” that was so unfairly cancelled. It was another classic show!

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I'm With Stupid said...

I love and our show and you as much as I hate Mitt Romney, and let me tell ya, that's going some. Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

Ann takes Mitt to the corner for a blow job.

Jo said...

The Clint Eastwood bit made me laugh so hard! It's so awesome you guys are still #1. I mean, of course you are!

Ann blows, but I don't think she blows.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: He's the worst person to run for president since Nixon. No doubt about it.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I don't need that visual.


I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: Ann probably hires other people to do that for her. ha