Friday, September 14, 2012

Even MORE People Who Need to STFU!

Holaaaaaaa! Yesterday Matt-Man posted a list of people who need to Shut the Fuck Up! And, while it was a good list, I thought that today I would continue this theme with a list of people I also wish would STFU!

ESPN’s Skip Bayless: Skip is everything that’s wrong with sports, ESPN and America. He’s a rude, arrogant gas bag who pissed away would could have been a highly respected career as a writer to be a carnival barker for ESPN’s First Take. He sits there each morning with that ass-clown Stephen A. Smith and they “argue” about sports. Mostly Skip talks about how Tim Tebow is the best QB in all of football and isn’t being given a fair chance. Ugh!

David Brooks: If you want to know what the truly elite are thinking, just read Brooks’ NYT column. He, even more than Maureen Dowd is the embodiment of the superior class who write only about “big picture issues” and then puts on a tuxedo at 6 pm to attend drinks and dinner with friends. And what does he write about? Mostly things like “we don’t have a leadership problem, we have a follower problem” where he complains that Americans aren’t blindly following their betters enough. Or perhaps he might write about how much harder he has to work than the average American and it would be so nice if blue collar workers would carry their own weight and help out a little. What a puke!

Vegans: Look guys. I have friends who are vegans, but if one more pale, hollow-eyed, bone-thin, looks like death warmed over vegan tells me that I eat “disgusting” things or that I should try tofu hot dogs because they’re sooooo healthy I’m just gonna stomp them into the dirt. Actually, I’ll just give them one poke in the sternum and watch them collapse in pain.

Marathon Runners: Okay, we get it, you run … A LOT. Thanks for updating us every single day how far you ran and in what time. Good for you. You run six to ten miles a day and burn 8,422 calories. You’re thinner than a vegan. You’re soooooooooo fucking healthy. Great, you’re gonna make a really great looking corpse. Congrats.

Piers Morgan: What a pretentious prick this guy is. If the Brits want to get rid of the image that they’re all smarmy, snooty, arrogant pricks, they need to stop sending people like Piers (if that’s his REAL name) over here. Every single thing this guy writes, says or even thinks is all about telling everyone “I’m better than you.” Dude, you couldn’t carry Larry King’s suspenders.

Atheists: Hey, did you guys know that atheists are, just by nature of being atheists, much smarter than the rest of us? Oh they are. If you didn’t know that, just fucking ask one of them and they’ll tell you. In fact, you don’t have to ask, they’ll offer it up anyway. And if they suspect that you are a “believer” they will really turn it on by quoting Penn Teller at you. Why? Because since they’re so much more intelligent than you, they must scream at you and shout you down and bully you until you just give up and walk away.

People who have quit smoking or drinking: I’m proud of you if you have done either of these things. And, quitting smoking is without a doubt the number one thing anyone can do to improve their health immediately. And, by quitting smoking people will suddenly have a lot of extra money each week because cigarettes are expensive as hell. But, do you HAVE to constantly tell me how much better you feel since you stopped drinking and/or smoking? Do you have to start every sentence with “Back when I drank …” Do you have to tell me how much better your dinner tastes and smells EVERY SINGLE DAY? No, no you don’t.

Oh hell, we could probably do this every day for a month! The list goes on and on and on. But, it’s important to keep blog posts short, so I’ll end it here.



I'm With Stupid said...

Ha!! Hate em' all, but Piers Morgan? What pretentious planet did he come from? Oh I know, the planet called, "Shut the Fuck Up!!." Cheers Jayman!!


Mike said...

Atheists are more obsessed with God than any beleiver could ever hope to be.

Dana said...

People who have quit smoking or drinking

... or snorting cocaine ...


Jo said...

I love your list! I was a little worried bc I didn't know the first 2 people, but after that, it's like you read my slam book.

The "ex smoker/drinker life is so fucking beautiful again omg pinch me" crowd obviously smoked and drank out of the awareness people fucking hate their personalities. And now they'll live longer. Crap.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: He's just the biggest a-hole in the world. We should have him on the show sometime.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: You got that right!


I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: Those people who gave up cocaine are the WORST!


I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: You don't need to know Skip Bayless or David Brooks. They're too depressing.

Almost every one of those former smokers/drinkers were a lot more fun to be around when they were smoking and drinking.


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Brits deporting our shits said...

Quote: "If the Brits want to get rid of the image that they’re all smarmy, snooty, arrogant pricks, they need to stop sending people like Piers (if that’s his REAL name) over here."
Oi, dickhead! That pretentious wanker does not represent either myself or Great Britain or the British people! Give Piers Morgan his CNN job back! Please! We've got Cher, Bonnie Greer and Gwynth Paltrow so it's only fair that you get to keep at least one of our self-aggrandising arseholes in return!