Friday, August 3, 2012

Near Death Experience Causes Some Introspection


Hola y’all! You don’t know how lucky you are to be hearing from me today! That’s because I had a near death experience Wednesday evening. We had a couple of big storms roll through and they either produced very high damaging winds or a wee little tornado!! The atmospheric scientists haven’t made a final ruling on which yet, but judging from the twisted metal that was once the sign in front of the mall I’m guessing tornado.

There were also a couple of other billboards and signs in front of businesses blown over as well as some telephone poles and other damage to buildings. There were no injuries though, so that’s good. The damage stretches from the post office (less than ONE MILE from me!) to Daylight Donuts to the mall and then to Golden Pawn Shop. That’s a pretty sizable debris field.

Anyway, I didn’t know I had a near death experience at the time. I didn’t even know there had been a tornado. All I knew was that I was sitting here happily listening to some Aisha Tyler’s podcast “Girl on Guy” and watching the Corgi Cam (Yay! Pupp-EEEEEEES!!) when BAM! the lights went out.

I could have sat here and thought about my near death experience I had I known about it, but I was more concerned with my dinner being ruined. I was only about 15 seconds into cooking my minute steak. Luckily my baked potato was done so all was not lost. It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized I could have put the minute steak in the still hot oven to cook it even with the power off. I’m easily distracted and don’t think of things like that until it’s too late.

After I finished my potato I opened the windows so I could get a breeze through the apartment even it wasn’t exactly cool. That’s when my neighbor came home. She immediately got on her cellphone to tell someone there had been a tornado. Then, my upstairs neighbor yelled “did you say tornado?” and they yelled back and forth for a few because walking down the stairs to talk is just too much freaking effort, I guess.

This is when most people would realize they had a near death experience, but not me. I was too focused on the horrible possibility of my two neighbors joining forces. The one next door has a VERY loud voice and a terribly annoyingly bad Newton County, Arkansas twang. The guy upstairs stomps around his apartment, apparently while wearing combat boots, at all hours of the day and night. He runs from room to room and then paces and paces and paces for hours on end.

I call them “Hillbilly and Leadfoot.” Obviously, these two coming together would be a disaster.

The power came back on around 9:30 and I was able to get online and see pictures of the damage and get some information from local news sites. That’s when I realized Matt-Man told me that I had had a near death experience. When he pointed that out I was like “Whoa! Dude, that’s right.” Then Matt-Man mentioned that near death experiences are pretty traumatic and I should take some time to think about how I feel about having one.

So, I started thinking about my life and if I’ve basically wasted it and if I had died Wednesday night how would people react and how long would it take people to even notice I wasn’t there anymore and all that stuff. Then I thought that I can’t die now cause there are still too many of y’all I want to see naked meet in person and hug and hang out with. It was all getting pretty deep for a while, but I suddenly remembered to check and make sure that my ice cream sandwiches didn’t melt during the power outage and after I ate one I had totally lost my train of thought.

Oh well, some other time I guess.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

17 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

When I said you should take some time to think about "near death" experiences, I wasn't saying to do an entire ranting about near tornado experiences. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Anonymous said...

Thank God the Klondike Bars didn't melt! So glad you're okay! That was funny!! :) Missy

Mike said...

You had ice cream sandwiches in danger of melting!? And you didn't go out and get dry ice?! What were you thinking? WAIT! You could have just ate all of them last night. Boy did you miss an opportunity.

Gnetch said...

Ice cream sandwiches melting is almost like death already. Good thing it didn't happen.

On second thought, who says melted ice cream is bad ice cream? It's still good.

Beth said...

Oh come on you big Mary, it was just a little wind;)

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: I had to cause I haven't gotten around to thinking about my near death experience yet. I have to work through this my own way. ha

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Missy: Actually it was Great Value No Sugar Added Ice Cream Sandwiches! Very valuable items! ;-)

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I was monitoring the situation closely and didn't want to panic.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: Melted ice cream is just sugary milk, right? ha

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: I find your trivializing my very traumatic experience to be quite hurtful. ;-)

Jay

Knight said...

Oh my God! The wind could have mussed up your hair or something. What then? You didn't try cooking the minute steak with a lighter? What were we talking about? Oh yeah, I'm so glad you survived!

Dana said...

Is it bad that my first thought was not your safety, but "Now the sign in front of the mall is more fitting to the state of the mall"?

And my second thought? I hope the donuts are okay ...

Jo said...

I didn't sleep well Wednesday night & I'm sure it was because I was tuned into your food crisis and the maelstrom that might have taken you from us.

If your neighbors get together it'll be The End.

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: That reminds me, I really need a haircut. I'll do that next week. If I had a blow torch I would have cooked the steak with that. That would have been very manly.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: Don't worry about the Donuts. Shipley's is much better. ha! ;-)

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: Obviously we're connected in some mystical way. That's hot.

If my neighbors get together in some way, I will probably have to just join them. It'll be my only choice.

Jay

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Ice cream and funnel clouds...and your point was?