Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Matt Mahoney and Jason Adams are Viciously Attacked by Jason Adams and Matt Mahoney

Hola and Cheers, Bitches, Chuckleheads, Internet People of the World, and Whatever!!

This is Jason Adams and Matt Mahoney coming to you live on the pages of the IWS website…

Could that intro being any more lame, unfunny, and boorish?

Of course it couldn’t, and yet every day, and twice a week on the radio, two guys who go by the name of Jason Adams and Matt Mahoney do just that, and…

THIS Jason Adams…

And THIS Matt Mahoney…

Are sick of it, and of THEM!!

The IWS duo of Jayman and Matt-Man (ooooo, really clever boys) are ruining the lives of every truly respectable Jason Adams and Matt Mahoney who peacefully and productively thrive within the normal and vastly more well-mannered realm of society.

Just the other day at Crate and Barrel, I spied a lovely young lady who I thought might be interested in grabbing a latte with me.  After a bit of witty banter on my part, she seemed rather interested in doing just that, and then she asked my name.

When I said, “Jason Adams”, she, with cat-like reflexes, immediately drew her pepper spray, and told me to stand away or else she would scream, “Rape.”

And then, while weeping softly and storming away, she muttered something about how disgusting Vienna Sausages are, and told me to stay away from the Middle Schools.

And listen to this…

I was at a church social last week noshing on some delicious ice cream sitting close to a Christian woman whom I had had my eye on for awhile.  I finally found the nerve to approach her, and after sharing some mint chocolate chip goodness with her, she asked, “What’s your name?”

When I responded, “Matt Mahoney.”

She raised her head and arms skyward, and as her tear-filled eyes rolled back into her head, she exalted out to the Lord…

“You are the defiler of God’s design by constantly giving play-by-play analysis of your home wrecking girlfriend’s menstrual cycle.  In God’s name, I rebuke you, and your far too frequent use of the ellipse…”

THIS Jason Adams…And THIS Matt Mahoney, are tired of being shunned, berated, and ostracized in our communities because of THESE two immature, misogynistic, and self-aggrandizing, and self-proclaimed, “internet superstars.”

Seriously Jayman and Matt-Man…grow the by golly up.  What you two are doing is just wrong, and while you think of yourselves as humorous, avant-garde hipsters, you are nothing more than a pair of worthless Jokers in a deck of cards being played at a Canasta tournament. (Ed. Note:  What the fuck does that mean?)

Sure, go on…Continue to sadly ooze out your tired jokes about Marcus Bachmann, corn dogs, heartache, and people like us who truly DO have deep thoughts.  We find you funny, not.

And more importantly, we find you destructive to those of us who unfortunately, share your names.

Should your ridiculous shenanigans continue and our good names be further dragged through the mud because of it, we will have no other alternative than to take legal action against the two of you.

Yes, we know.

You will threaten to counter-sue with your law firm of Wie, Love, Kuntz leading the way, and by the way…ha ha, that carefully thought out name is just so “damn funny”…Zzzzzzzzzzz.

Just stop the madness, and please give each and every Jason Adams and Matt Mahoney who walks upon God’s green Earth his dignity back.

Sincerely,

Jason Adams and Matt Mahoney

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

38 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Hate the game, not the playa dudes.

I'm pretty sure these two halfwits are getting all kinds of action pretending to be us. This letter has fake outrage written all over it.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jayman: IKR? One or both of them are probably hanging out in bars, telling chicks, "Hey, it's me. The guy who interviewed the Legendary Richarde." Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Anonymous said...

I love the shenanigans Matt and Jay! Keep it up! Who cares about the namesakes!! :) Missy

I'm With Stupid said...

Miss: We will drag our names down to the depths of the earth in order to get the ratings going skyward. Yeah, we're superficial like that. Cheers Miss!!

Matt-Man

DWei said...

Nah, no way. There's no way these guys are like that. They're clearly respectable gentlemen who are being shown in a cruel light. :P

Mike said...

'..and please give..'

Naaaaaaaaa

Beth said...

I'll take you two over those to pansies anyday;) Even if you are immature!

I'm With Stupid said...

DWei: Of course they are, wait...which Matt and which Jay? I'm confused. Cheers DWei!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Damn right Mike, and really, I think it is impossible at this point. Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: That is so sweet of you and so unlike you. Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

Wine~Gurl said...

Ha! They dont have nothing on u two! Eff um and feed um beans! I love you guys!

Stacy Uncorked said...

You mean they're not capitalizing on the good fortune of sharing your names? Or maybe they're trying to and failing miserably since they're getting shot down. Yeah, that must be it.

I'm With Stupid said...

Wine Gurl: Darn tootin', but hold off on the the dissin' of the bean. I love beans. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Stacy: I think your latter observation is correct. While they may share our names, we have big shoes to fill, and well, when trying to put their feet into our shoes, their arches fall flat. Cheers Stacy!!

Matt-Man

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