Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Kids Learn the Darndest Things in Louisiana Schools

How y’all are? Uh, I mean … Holaaaaaaaaa! As you probably know by now the great state of Louisiana has privatized much of its education system. The result of this is that some schools can now teach things like creationism and Christian ideology to the children, and they aren’t wasting time getting the textbooks that will do just that.

As you can see from this Mother Jones article that I thought was an Onion piece at first, the books some of the schools will be using teach what can only be described as “total fucking bullshit.” They will teach kids that dinosaurs and people walked the Earth at the same time, dragons were real, God used the Trail of Tears to bring native Americans … OOPS! … Indians to Christ and more crazy shit.

Anyway, our crack staff here at IWS World Media has uncovered yet another set of textbooks that are about to be published and used in Louisiana that are EVEN MORE whack than the ones Mother Jones uncovered. Check out some of the stuff the kids will be learning…

- Mikhail Gorbachev was forced to tear down the Berlin Wall after he lost to Ronald Reagan in a no-holds-barred steel cage match. Reagan took him out with a Ronnie-A-Whirl Cross-Body Smash and then crippled him with a leg lock.

- After his victory in that steel cage match, Ronnie became known as The Reagantor all over Eastern Europe.

- There was never any animosity between the North and South until Abraham Lincoln was elected and started attacking Christianity.

- Bluto was right the Germans ARE the ones who bombed Pearl Harbor.

- FDR let the Germans bomb Pearl Harbor so he could take advantage of everyone’s fears and force Socialism on us.

- The meanest and most vicious dinosaur was Barackus Obamus. It fed mostly on young white women.

- The United States was founded so people could be free of the tyranny of universal healthcare.

- No white Christian has ever committed an act of terrorism.

- Blacks begged America to send as many ships as possible to Africa and bring them back to the US where they could live free, work on the plantations and become Christians.

-  When President Eisenhower built the interstate highway system, he warned against the United Nations one day attempting to force cities to build bicycle lanes.

- The Watergate break-in and subsequent scandal that brought down Richard Nixon’s presidency never really happened. It was a complete fabrication by gay establishment and helped along by the liberal media.

- Jesus was actually born in Birmingham, Alabama and was white with a blond mullet and blue eyes. Also, his parents were registered republicans.

So as you can see kids in Louisiana are about to be taught some … uh … interesting things. Let’s all wish them the best of luck to them when they grow up and try to join the workforce and work in the global economy. I’m sure this will be interesting.



I'm With Stupid said...

Maybe because Bobby Jindal is the Governor of Louisiana, the school systems there are trying to build a India-Type caste system built upon STUPID!!

Cheers Jayman!!

Mike said...

Don't forget that other dinosaur that feeds on white women Tigerous Woodous.

The Bastard King of England said...

That place must be a haven for fruitcakes.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Yeah, that would be something he would be comfortable with. Also, teaching people to perform exorcisms.


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Very scary!


I'm With Stupid said...

Bastard: It's actually a wonderful place full of great people. But, they are working on turning their kids into political and religious zealots.


Jo said...

This is like a bad dream, I really can't believe it. They're going to teach that The Grapes of Wrath was liberal propraganda and the KKK is primarily an instrument of reform.

It's been too long since we've amended The Constitution.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: I think the "KKK was an instrument of reform" is pretty much the kicker. I can't believe anyone would send their kids to those schools.