Thursday, July 12, 2012

Another Round of Hey-O's


Hola ladies and germs! It’s time once again to lighten things up and bring a smile to everyone’s face. Here are some classic “Weekend Update” style Hey-OOOO’s! 

A new poll shows that people are turned on by those who are knowledgeable about cheese and wine parings. This is especially good for me since I know women will be turned on by Franzia Sunset Blush box wine and Nacho Cheese Dorito combos. Hey-OOOO 

Another experiment found that dogs prefer the Mitt Romney chew toy to the Barack Obama chew toy by a 2 to 1 margin. Scientists are now questioning that whole “dogs are colorblind” thing.  Hey-OOOO

A principal in the US banned kindergarten students from singing “God Bless the USA” during graduation ceremonies for fear that it would offend other cultures. A spokesperson for the local VFW said “Why the hell are kindergartens holding graduation ceremonies?” Hey-OOOO

Fashion and image experts say that beards are coming back into style. Unless you’re Tom Cruise, of course. Hey-OOOO

US Navy says that a fire that caused $400 million in damage to the USS Miami was started by a vacuum cleaner. Sir James Dyson smugly points out that it was an American made vacuum that did it. Hey-OOOO 

The IRS says it will have to hire thousands of new agents to enforce the penalty in Obamacare. President Obama responded by saying “I told you I was a job creator.” Hey-OOOO

Yet another study released this week found that 50% of people shot by stray bullets were women. The rest were 50 Cent. Hey-OOOO

Scientists claim they have finally found the Higgs boson, or “God Particle.” Unfortunately, most people won’t hear about it until the discovery is incorporated into an episode of The Big Bang Theory next season. Hey-OOOO

Mitt Romney addressed the annual meeting of the NAACP on Wednesday. As he got to the podium and looked out at the crowd, he instinctively made a motion as if he was locking the doors of his car. Hey-OOOO  … Then he said “Damn, I wish I had worn my old police officer uniform.” Hey-OOOO

Comedian Daniel Tosh got into hot water this week and had to apologize for his “rape jokes” that some people felt were insensitive. Unfortunately, nobody asked Tosh for apologizing for not being funny. Hey-OOOO

House republicans voted once again to repeal Obamacare. Critics say they shouldn’t continue to waste taxpayer’s money and time voting on things that have no chance of passing the senate. Speaker of the House John Boehner responded by saying “You never know, the 33rd time might be a charm!” Hey-OOOO


Thank you very much everyone! I’ll be here all week. Remember to tip your servers. Drive safely.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS


In other news, you should check out a great hot mess of an episode of I'm With Stupid from earlier today. If you do, you'll spend more time listening to this show than we did prepping for it. Actually, you'll beat our prep time in first couple of minutes.



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15 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Ha!! Very good. I hear d Mitt mistakenly said at the NAACP Convention today, "It's great to be speaking here at the National Butlers Convention, I do love me some Butlers." Cheers Jayman!!

Anonymous said...

Hahaa! A nice Franzia juice box for Mommy and a piece of string cheese can make everything better! :) Missy

Mike said...

The Mitt Romney's were definitely worth a heyoooo.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Hey-OOOOO always good for a chuckle here

Gnetch said...

Tom Cruise will never go back into style!!! Like never. Haha!

Jo said...

You very funny man.

Kinder graduations are really cute and don't make any sense.

I hope Tom Cruise rebounds quickly. He's my favorite go-to psycho.

Knight said...

Damn. I could seriously go for some boxed wine right about now.

I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: Ha! He also asked if he could get so photo ops with a few black people to send to his sons.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Missy: Box wine always makes things okay.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: His whole appearance there was a Hey-O!

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Vinny: We're here to entertain.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: Tom will be marrying some other chick soon enough. I'm sure he already has a list of potential victims ready to go. ha

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: Tom is very persistent. He'll be back in no time.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: I'll bring some over and we'll chill for the afternoon! ;-)

Jay

Edita said...

Beards back in fashion? They were out of it? They were in it?

They are actually connected to fashion??? Woaaah. I should totally grow one then. Like ASAP.