Monday, June 11, 2012

I Am a Prick, But I Think I Am Getting Better

“An excellent man, he has no enemies, and none of his friends like him.”
--Oscar Wilde

I dig Oscar Wilde.  Oscar Wilde and I are much alike, well…other than his penchant for enjoying the buggery type of sex, but I tell ya…

He was an Irishman who was as wise as he was witty, and that my friends is a unique gift, and I experienced that this weekend in the form of several incongruous meetings, chats, and happenstances.

Several “things”, spontaneous meet-ups, and kind words from the mouths of others, brought me out of a mild funk that I had been in, and the funny thing is…

I never feel that I deserve any of it, because to paraphrase the Wilde quote above, and how it relates to me…

I’m a prick!!  And yet, for whatever reason, people like me.  Still.

I do have to say, a lot of my prickness comes from years of biting my tongue where my kid and mother are involved and then just recently realizing of late…

“Hey, I only have 52 legally required payments left on that make and model, and then my check is all mine...well...Schmoop's.”

Those of you helping to support a child in addition to having an angry ex-spouse, or in my case, quasi-ex-spouse, know that feeling, and know how liberating that feeling is.

And so yeah, while I left my wife 14 years ago, only now, with a smirk, and anemic financial independence looming, do I have the self-aggrandizing freedom to tell her, and to all y’all…fuck off.

And I would do just that, however…I can’t.

I am one sick son of a bitch who has this nasty nice streak within him, which compels me to want everyone to be happy in spite of how much I my or may not hate them.

G-Dawg, I Hate It!!  And let me tell ya, I couldn’t act upon my prickishness this weekend because several good things happened.

Friday, we were only quasi-busy, but folks were tipping me like I was Scar-Jo on a Dance-Po.

Saturday?

My BFF/OSP Schmoop, and her brother came through.  They were both in good moods which for those of you who don’t know them, that happens once in 150 years.  Those two were like Venus in transit.

After a more than unexciting day, around 4 this chick came through.  She….was….hot.  And I knew her.  I have actually known her for some thirty years, and yet don’t know her.

She smiled at me, I got a hard-on, hid my bad teeth, and sent her on her way with a 12 pack of Bud Light bottles, as she handed me a dollar tip, and a feeling of not knowing where I was.

I stood there smiling until I heard the next customer chime in my ear, “Could I have a 24 of Labatt’s Ice and a Slim Jim?”

After I responded, “$3.47.”, and collected his money, my thoughts turned to the woman who had just  left and threw me off my game.  She came through because she liked me, as did Schmoop, and as do others.

And I thought…

“You’re such a jerk sometimes, Mahoney.  There are a lot of people who like you. Why don’t you accept that, and delight in the fact that you make some people smile, and ignore this one asshole?”

And my answer to myself is always the same…

“If only smiles came with money, and if only people knew I was becoming this callous.”

If that were the case, and to paraphrase my hero Oscar Wilde, my friends would not like me, but I’d have huge tips, and I would have no enemies.

Pffffft.....I'll take having the friends over the tips any day.  And enemies?  Bring em'on!!

Sorry Oscar...

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

We also did one helluva joke show on IWS yesterday.  Jay and Matt were cutting up and the lovely Schmoop called in with some joke about her boyfriend.  Good times were had by all, so give it a listen, if you haven't already...

14 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Friends are better than tips, but friends AND tips wouldn't be bad either.

Jay

Anonymous said...

Delight in the fact that you have friends!! :) Miss

I'm With Stupid said...

Jayman: True, but if I have to pick, I'll take the friends. Cheers My Friend!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Miss: I do everyday, and I love it...Cheers Miss!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

I like you in spite of your prickyness;) Is to a word!

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Likewise hot stuff. Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

Dana said...

A friend? Over a tip? How good of a friend? And how big of a tip? I'm thinking there might be some lines that should be drawn here ;)

I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: Ha. Nevah...No matter the money involved, friends are worth more than tips. When I do have money, I go through it quickly, so to me, friends are the only long term investment that I actually hold on to. Cheers Dana!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

I think most people come because they like driving through the little tunnel.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Ha...You may be right. Enjoy the Rose. Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

Jo said...

You're sweet & love people...and in order to be this way sincerely, you can't love all of the people, all of the time.

I love Oscar Wilde, he's a fabulous asshole.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: I don't how sweet I am but you are correct, Oscar Wilde was one witty asshole. Cheers Jo!!

Matt-Man

Wine~Gurl said...

A Lot of people come because you are famous and the quicker you understand that the more likely you will grasps it!! You are a good person, but a lot of people make it so difficult for you to love them... So just keep on loving me! lol

I'm With Stupid said...

Wine: Well said, and I should keep on loving you? How could I not!? Cheers Hot Stuff!!

Matt-Man