Hola! Well, another celebrity has died unexpectedly (kinda)
and once again it has been fascinating to pop some popcorn, open a beer and
just sit back and watch Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook lose their collective
shit. It’s fast becoming my favorite activity. I almost wish a celebrity would
die every week just so I could enjoy the reaction. But, that would make me a
bad person, so I don’t. Okay, how ‘bout every two weeks?
Anyway, when things like this happen, I’ve found that most
people fall into one or more of several categories…
1. The Biggest Fan: This is the person, usually a girl, who
does the “You guys just don’t understand how much I loved *insert name of
recently deceased celebrity here*. I was sooooo much more of a fan than you
were.”
2. The “Who” Guy: This is the guy who retweets the breaking
news announcement with a dismissive “Who?” He’s usually the guy who loves to
tell everyone how he doesn’t follow any popular movies, TV shows, sports,
books, music or any other pop culture, probably doesn’t own a TV and is in
general just way fucking superior to you. He usually uses a Mac and does most
of his online activity while squatting at Starbucks.
3. The Judgy McJudgerson: This is the guy or girl who
basically makes the argument that the celebrity deserved to die because they
were engaging in illegal or immoral activities. This person is not the same as,
but has lots in common with…
4. The “Pathetic” Guy: This is the guy or girl who loves to
mock celebrities because they’re all pathetic and are all addicted to drugs and alcohol. As if celebrities are the only people who are.
5. Sanctimonious Guy (or Girl): This is the person who is
quick to post things like “Well, I’ll say a prayer for the thousands of
everyday people who died today who aren’t celebrities and don’t get any
publicity.” Or worse, the guy (or girl) posts that or something similar but
includes a picture of flag draped coffins of soldiers who have died in battle.
What’s really terrible about this person is they’re full of shit. Almost none
of them have ever said a prayer for all the “regular” people who have died that
day including soldiers.
6. Tweeter Guy (or Girl): This is the person who just
retweets updates as they’re posted by TMZ or other Breaking News Twitter
Account. Just in case others haven’t heard the latest.
7. The Always Late Guy (or Girl): This is the person who
either retweets a Breaking News tweet about the celebrity’s death about 6 hours
after everyone else first heard about it or just tweets “OMG! Whitney Houston
Died???????” during the Grammy’s 30 hours after her death.
8. Gilbert Gottfried Wannabe: This person, usually a guy,
just spends the night trying to come up with the most offensive and
disrespectful jokes to make about the dead celebrity. Usually these people
suck, but occasionally, they’re actually kind of funny. But, the worst of these
people are the ones who take other people’s jokes they saw on Twitter and post
them on Tumblr as their own. Those people deserve to die.
9. Page View and Ratings Guy: This is the guy who makes up
lists about social media when celebrities like Whitney Houston die just to get
page views on his blog or listens on his podcast. Man, that guy sucks.
11 comments:
Listen, I don't know who Whitney Houston is because I don't keep up with fads like that. I'm sure she got whatever was coming to her because you can't keep living that lifestyle and not expect to suffer the repercussions. I'm sure her and Michael Jackson are having a lot of fun right now just waiting on Lindsay Lohan to join them. All this press coverage disgusts me. I mean 2,000 people died on 9/11 and were supposed stop and make a big deal about just one person? I think we should stop and remember all the people who die every day being a hero. Her music has touched me more than you could possibly understand. I wrote a post on her passing just now. It's titled "Houston, we have a problem" ohhh zing!
everyone was going crazy about michael jackson being a pedophile while he was alive, and once he dies then the whole thing turns around and he is a great singer again. Now whitney huston is dead and were going to hear about this for another month.
I don't FEEL like Gilbert Gottfried. Cheers Jayman!!
Matt-Man
I don't think you left ANYBODY out.
im the always late guy...
didnt bother to watch the grammys because ....well my music is not represented there.
so i found out i think on monday and i think my reaction was something like...."meh"
Bonafide Jones: You're pretty impressive!
Jay
dopdavid: Yeah, and everyone going crazy about Chris Brown being an abuser was giving Glen Campbell who is also an abuser drug addict and alcoholic a standing ovation.
Jay
Matt: Cause you're not Jewish.
Jay
Mike: I don't think so. If I did, I hope they don't take it personally.
Jay
Jack: You can only feel what you feel about Whitney. Personally I was kind of ... well ... "meh" also. ha
Jay
Haha! #9 made me laugh!!!
Also the first commenter!
Post a Comment