Iowa Caucus 2012: Children of the Corn Go A' Votin'

Welcome to Iowa everybody!!

This is IWS political news babe, Shannyn Jannsyn coming to you from the Hawkeye State, as the long awaited, first in the nation, Iowa Caucuses are finally here.

The GOP Presidential candidates have been talking and talking for months, but as everyday Iowans head to the caucus rooms tonight, we at IWS want to know what issues weigh upon the minds of Iowa Caucus goers.

I interviewed dozens of definite caucus attendees this morning at the Drake Diner here in Des Moines, and here are a few samplings of what matters most to those who will be helping to determine to course of the 2012 Presidential election…


Vern Husk…

I want to know where the candidates stand on farm subsidies. I would be in a real bind if subsidies are cut. The government has been paying me to not grow corn for so long, I don’t reckon I could remember how to grow it if had to. Do I till? Do I no-till? When’s the best time to plant?

That’s a lot of re-learnin’, and I haven’t been very nimble in my attic ev’ry since ‘79 when my cousin Eustis whacked me upside the think melon with a Crafstman hoe.

Martha Silk…

All of the candidates have droned on and on about how they will keep illegal Mexicans out of our country. Not one of them says a damn word about keeping the illegal blacks, Jews, and Canadians out of here. Oh Dear God, the Canadians!!

Eli Onthecob…

My biggest concern is that I’m going to wake up one morning and the government has completely taken over. Why just this past summer they opened a “municipal” swimming pool in Council Bluffs and this fall the Health Department was doling out free “flu shots.” Where does it end? And let me ask this…what exactly was in them “flu shots?”

Major Kernel…

As a small business owner and well-respected Christian member of my community, I am concerned about this trend of our kids having no work ethic and listening to that crazy rock ‘n’ roll music. Sure, Buddy Holly’s plane may have crashed over in Clear Lake back in 1959, but that devil music never died.

Helen Fritter…

Oh my, I really wish someone would put up a traffic light at the intersection at Maple St. and Wayne Ave. Ever since that Maid-Rite franchise opened, it’s been nothing but chaos. Somebody is going to get hurt…or worse!!

Succotash Jones…

Being one of seventeen black people in Iowa, I want someone to open a decent southern style restaurant. I snuck up here shortly after the Dred Scott decision and while I love my freedom, I really miss well-done collard greens, fine fricasseed chicken, and most of all, po’boy sammiches.

Lawdy yes…I’d almost go back to work on the plantation for a good ol’ po’boy sammich…or a muffaletta…Yeah, I digs them too.

And there you have it guys. The important issues that will be driving the debate during tonight’s Iowa caucuses…or is that caucii? Anyhoo…

This is Shannyn Jannsyn reporting from the Drake Diner in Des Moines, Iowa. Here’s to a Happy Caucus, and remember…don’t commit prematurely.

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