They Eat Horses Don't They: Horse Slaughtering is Legal Again

Happy Friday all…For I’m With Stupid, this is Stewball the Racehorse.

Seems a lot of animal lovin’ folks in the United States are up in legs and hooves over the passage of an all-inclusive appropriations bill that de factly lifts the five-year ban on the slaughter of horses in the U.S.

I don’t understand all the gnashing of whinnying of teeth over this from you people.

I mean, c’mon.

Y’all slaughter cows, pigs, and chickens.  You snare turtles and crawdads, detach frog legs, and hook fish.  Hell, you even eat deer, bear, and shark.  What’s the big deal with workin’ some horsemeat into your diet once in awhile?

Ohhhhhhh, I know……

You think we’re cute.  That we all have wild, passionate, mustang-like personalities.  That we run along the plains with natural abandon, and remind you of how free you wish you were in your human lives.

Ha.  Fuck that.

We eat grass, shit bricks like nobody’s business, and then, trot and/or gallop along with no clue as to where the fuck we are headed.  We’re stupid, but yet….

We’re downright tasty.

Asians love our meat.  Europeans love our meat.  And yet…

Americans hold on to this, “I don’t want to eat anything cuter than me.” syndrome.  If that were truly the case, y’all wouldn’t still be going down on your lazy husbands and fat wives.  Gimme a break.

Listen, I know you may have some reticence about slaughtering and eating horse, but c’mon, not only are we tasty, think of all the comedic avenues it offers.

The names of fast quarter horses…er quarter-pounder horses would be forever changed.  The possibilities are endless.

Philly Mignon…Sir Loin…Manager’s Special.  All very fine names for a racehorse, and…

Should I survive the first wave of equus extermination, I was thinking of starting a new chain of restaurants along the lines of Texas Roadhouse and Lone Star called…

Belmont Steaks!!

Hell, I’ll even make part of my menu “glue-tin free”.  Ha!!  Get it!?  Mannnnn O’ War, I kill myself.

Listen, there are thousands of horses running wild in the west without purpose or direction…Why not give them a purpose, by making a Korean or French family happy and well-fed.  Is that so wronnnnng?

I say, “Neighhhhh.”

So my American friends, pony up to the buffet of horsemeat and find yourselves in the winner’s circle of deliciousness.  Odds are, you’ll find us delicious and most importantly…

With every order of horsemeat, you’ll get an endless supply of Seabiscuits and a bottom-less bowl of Seattle Beef Slew.

Galloping Home Now,

Stewball

neshobadude@yahoo.com
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