The British Suck

Hola Bitches! Jayman here, and while I may not be the most traveled guy around, I am, by virtue of my ability to read and my curiosity about the world, pretty knowledgeable about the world. I’m educated and fairly well read and have made it a priority to study history and keep up with world events. The internet has been invaluable in this regard. And, one of the things that I have been able to conclude through my virtual travels is Britain Sucks.

Yeah, I know, we all love Keeping Up Appearances and Monty Python and Fawlty Towers. And sure, Sherlock Holmes is cool and a lot of people like Dr. Who. And, of course there are the timeless beauties like Elizabeth Hurly and Kate Beckinsale. I didn’t say there weren’t exceptions just that Britain, in general, sucks.

When was the last time everyone was sitting around trying to decide where to go for dinner and someone yelled out “LET’S GET BRITISH FOOD?” Never, that’s when. There is no country on Earth with worse food. England’s food is so bad and bland that the Brits think Indian food is good! And when they aren’t eating Indian food they’re either eating faux pasta noodles or intestines all chopped up and buried by curry to cover the taste.

Oh I know, Brits are soooo cultured, you say? Yeah, if by “cultured” you mean “pompous.” Dear God, the Brits are insufferable! They love to talk about their culture over there, but really Shakespeare is all the Brits have. And they didn’t even give a crap about him while he was alive. Sure, we’ve got people like the Kardashians, but at least we appreciate them while they’re alive and they make a lot of money, just in case they might turn out to be something other than shit.

And Brits love to talk about how well traveled they are. I guess they are, if you’re talking about being the primary consumers of the Asian flesh trade. We all know the Go-Go bars from Bangkok to Seoul to Manila are mostly patronized by Brits. And who could blame them really? We all know that other than the few movie stars and super models Britain has produced, the average woman there makes Margaret Thatcher look like a beauty queen.

You know that whole “The sun never sets on the British Empire” thing? You know, that Empire that was built by subjugating people of colonized countries which were then raped of their natural resources?  Yeah well, don’t look now it’s dusk bitches. That Empire can’t sustain its welfare state and is being overrun by the dregs of every shithole country on Earth.

Hell, we haven’t even gotten a chance to touch on the crappy weather, soccer, socialized medicine, hooliganism, how expensive everything is over there, the class social structure and the shitty pop music. Maybe next time.

Hey, don’t get your knickers in a knot guys, it’s not my fault you don’t live in the United States of Awesome.

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In other news, our good friend Scott Bull who lives in England called us up on Wednesday’s I’m With Stupid Podcast and we had a jolly good time! We started out updating everyone on our continued attempts to get out Reddit jail and then quickly ran through an expert analysis of Herman Cain’s situation. Then Scott called in and in typical hooligan fashion all hell broke loose.

Obviously, between Scott’s appearance on the show, and today’s loving post about Britain, I’m With Stupid is about to be HUGE across the pond! So, check the show out and tell all your friends. We love each and every one of you guys!

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