You Know What's Wrong With This Country?

Well it was a rather amazing Thanksgiving here in Redneckville. Because of car problems and various other reasons, we had to stay here for Thanksgiving and not go up to beautiful and exotic Omaha, Nebraska. So, mom decided to invite her friend M.E. over for T-Giving dinner.

M.E. decided not to go to T-Giving at any of her children’s houses, so we invited her over and she spent the day explaining to us what was wrong with “this country.” Every single problem she identified applied to “this country” and not just individual people. This is what we got 4 hours of…

“I spent the whole afternoon at the cable company’s office yesterday trying to get them to explain to me why all my channels are letterbox now. They tried to claim I could fix it with my remote. That’s ridiculous. They’ve done something and just won’t fix it. We have no decent customer service in this country anymore.”

“We just have no social graces in this country anymore. Everyone just uses the ‘F-word’ non-stop anymore.”

“This country has lost all sense of decency and morality. People behave like animals.”

“Are there even any white players LEFT in athletics in this country anymore?”

“There isn’t a single decent or honest politician anywhere in this country. They’re all a bunch of crooks and liars. Every single one of them.”

“We’ve allowed the family until to just fall apart in this country. People have to move away to find decent jobs. Families separate and never see each other. Of course, I’m not all that happy with my family right now.”

“Nobody lives here (Redneckville) anymore. The ones who do work somewhere else. We’re a ‘closet’ community.”

“We’re just way too informal anymore in this country. I’m embarrassed by what my granddaughter wears sometimes.”

“Everyone in this country is driven only by greed anymore. Nothing else. And the commercialization of everything is just disgusting. I have to get up and hit the Black Friday sales in Branson tomorrow.”

“The internet is just destroying this country. Nobody ever deals with other human beings anymore in this country because of it. Everyone stays home and instead of talking to REAL people they talk to these internet people. And then they do their shopping on there. Nobody ever gets out and does things in this country anymore.”

“No company hires Americans to work for them anymore in this country. They just import people from Asia who will work so much cheaper. And then our rich people in this country don’t do any charity for America anymore. They all go to Africa to do any charity.”  

Then there was this hilarious exchange between M.E. and my mother:

Mom: “Dan H. wants the Tea Party to help him recall the mayor.”
M.E: “Who the hell is Van H?”
Mom: “DAN”
M.E: “And what’s Van H’s problem with the mayor?”
Mom: “It’s DAN H. and I don’t really know, there was just a story about it in the paper.”
M.E: “Well, I’ve never even heard of this Van H.”
Mom: “DAN. Dee. Ayy. Ennn.  He used to be mayor and was just voted off the city council.”
M.E: “Ohhhh! Yeah, DAN H. used to be mayor, but I don’t know Van.”

So basically, all that stuff so much more that I couldn’t remember is what’s wrong with this country. But, the food was good and the wine dulled the senses beautifully and all in all it was a nice day.

Also, our first liquor store opened here in Redneckville almost a year after our voting to go wet. I took full advantage of the situation and got something that would put me in the proper mood for the day …