Guten Tag and Pax Vobiscum, Bitches!!
Blitzkrieg Benny here for I’m With Stupid with a message of hope and inspiration for my Catholic brethren and sisteren in the United States as you prepare for your annual feast and celebration of Thanksgiving.
Although I reside in Vatican City and am a vast ocean and continent removed from you, I continue to be impressed and inspired by the November observance of your national day of Thanksgiving.
Your American celebration of God and Country takes me back to November 1938 when I was eleven, celebrating my Fatherland’s first national Kristallnacht Holiday with my family in Bavaria.
It was a special time when the entire nation of Germany, sat back, took a deep breath, and collectively inhaled the soon-to-be non-Jewish fresh air. We sang, partied, and feasted.
And boy did we, as you will once again this Thursday, feast!!
I remember my mom would rise before the sun and in her efficient and workman-like Teutonic manner, prepare a meal that would make Hermann Goering blush.
Much like you honor the courage of your Pilgrims founding a new nation with a meal of turkey, mashed potatoes, and the such, we would honor our Storm Pilgrims founding a new Reich with a meal that reflected their victory over our national affliction.
We’d feast on platefuls of sweet herbs, leavened bread, and sausage. We’d nosh on knishes stuffed with BBQ swine, and lobster. And after the meal, we’d listen to Dear Leader’s Kristallnacht Day address and then at midnight..?
Just as you Americans assault the stores in search of bargains on Black Friday, we would assault the local stores in search of Jewish shopkeepers on Brown Shirt Friday.
It was a magical time, and as the entire celebration does for you in America, it brought our nation closer together. Alas…
For me, the celebration of Kristallnacht has long passed. Ironically enough, in large part to you Americans and your puritanical fervor for ridding the world of free thinking supremacists, and loathing of medal laden leather trench coats and hot looking jack boots.
It saddens me, but as I am in the business of acknowledging contrition and turning the other cheek, I forgive you.
Anyhoo…I am now the leader of the Catholic Church, and stuck here in Italy surrounded by effeminate, pantaloon wearing Swiss Guardsmen instead of beefy, leather clad SS men, and eating eggs Florentine instead of potato pancakes and sauerbraten.
I tell ya, it’s hard to get good food and good help here in Italy. Just ask the late Der Fuhrer. Dear God in Heaven, Mussolini was a pussy.
However…
I do want to give thanks to you in America for helping me to recall the joy that was Kristallnacht Day, and because of you, I shall tell you the three things for which I am grateful…
I just got new tires on the Pope Mobile.
Notre Dame will be going to a bowl game this year, and…
I have found true love and my life has been made whole by meeting my new lover, Haji…
My relationship with Haji teaches the world two things.
One…Even at the ripe old age of 84 it is not too late to find true love.
And two?
It shows all of my Cardinals, Priests, and other ecumenical underlings, that enjoying hot sex is not relegated to having it with boys who are younger than fourteen.
Happy Kristallnacht…Happy Thanksgiving, and as always…
Yours in Christ,
Pope Benedict XVI
If you have any questions for Benny or would like to request an audience with the Pope, contact Matt-Man @:
neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS
Although I reside in Vatican City and am a vast ocean and continent removed from you, I continue to be impressed and inspired by the November observance of your national day of Thanksgiving.
Your American celebration of God and Country takes me back to November 1938 when I was eleven, celebrating my Fatherland’s first national Kristallnacht Holiday with my family in Bavaria.
It was a special time when the entire nation of Germany, sat back, took a deep breath, and collectively inhaled the soon-to-be non-Jewish fresh air. We sang, partied, and feasted.
And boy did we, as you will once again this Thursday, feast!!
I remember my mom would rise before the sun and in her efficient and workman-like Teutonic manner, prepare a meal that would make Hermann Goering blush.
Much like you honor the courage of your Pilgrims founding a new nation with a meal of turkey, mashed potatoes, and the such, we would honor our Storm Pilgrims founding a new Reich with a meal that reflected their victory over our national affliction.
Just as you Americans assault the stores in search of bargains on Black Friday, we would assault the local stores in search of Jewish shopkeepers on Brown Shirt Friday.
It was a magical time, and as the entire celebration does for you in America, it brought our nation closer together. Alas…
For me, the celebration of Kristallnacht has long passed. Ironically enough, in large part to you Americans and your puritanical fervor for ridding the world of free thinking supremacists, and loathing of medal laden leather trench coats and hot looking jack boots.
It saddens me, but as I am in the business of acknowledging contrition and turning the other cheek, I forgive you.
Anyhoo…I am now the leader of the Catholic Church, and stuck here in Italy surrounded by effeminate, pantaloon wearing Swiss Guardsmen instead of beefy, leather clad SS men, and eating eggs Florentine instead of potato pancakes and sauerbraten.
I tell ya, it’s hard to get good food and good help here in Italy. Just ask the late Der Fuhrer. Dear God in Heaven, Mussolini was a pussy.
However…
I do want to give thanks to you in America for helping me to recall the joy that was Kristallnacht Day, and because of you, I shall tell you the three things for which I am grateful…
I just got new tires on the Pope Mobile.
Notre Dame will be going to a bowl game this year, and…
I have found true love and my life has been made whole by meeting my new lover, Haji…
My relationship with Haji teaches the world two things.
One…Even at the ripe old age of 84 it is not too late to find true love.
And two?
It shows all of my Cardinals, Priests, and other ecumenical underlings, that enjoying hot sex is not relegated to having it with boys who are younger than fourteen.
Happy Kristallnacht…Happy Thanksgiving, and as always…
Yours in Christ,
Pope Benedict XVI
If you have any questions for Benny or would like to request an audience with the Pope, contact Matt-Man @:
neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS
14 comments:
Oh man, I do NOT want to be in the audience when that last pictures worth of face sucking is going on.
Can't stop laughing at the Pope. So wrong yet so funny.
All I have to say is...OMG!
Mike: I dunno...It's kinda like Judas smooching Christ, with the Benny playing the part of Judas of course. Cheers Mike!!
Matt-Man
DWei: Why thank you DWei. Humor too is a gift from God, so if the Pope doesn't find this funny, he is sinning. Cheers DWei!!
Matt-Man
Beth: Well in this instance, OMG, is a very appropriate response. Cheers Schmoop!!
Matt-Man
I don't know about you, but I'm feeling equal parts inspired and creeped the fuck out by the Popester's message. But, I almost always am. Dude just gives off this weird vibe. He's very Jerry Sandusky wearing a Nazi uniform-ish.
Jay
Jay: Perhaps it's not the Pope who creeps you out. Maybe you are creeped out by what he stands for. That being, the love of the Little Baby Jeebus. Cheers Jay!!
Matt-Man
Happy Thanksgiving IWS. I see that that picture is making the rounds!
Life: Which one? The sausage picture? Happy Thanksgiving to you as well. Cheers LU!!
Matt-Man
Even Sinead O'Conner is blushing...
Now that's a lot of sausage!
P-Man: Ha...I thought about her when I wrote this. Cheers P-Man!!
Matt-Man
Chick: It makes you hot doesn't it? Cheers Hot Stuff!!
Matt-Man
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