Thursday, October 27, 2011

Wisconsin vs. Ohio State...Badgers vs. Buckeyes...Brent Musburger is Lost in Zanesville

Hi Post-Secondary Education pigskin fans, Slyder Balzcock here for I’m With Stupid with your Weekend of Witches and Warlocks, gridiron preview…

It’s a big, spooktacular weekend of college football, and no game bigger than when the Wisconsin Badgers invade the sullied and shit upon horseshoe of the Ohio State University, but more on that later.

First up, in the Conference-USA...um...conference…

UAB blazes a beeline to Huntington, WV. in order to tangle with the ‘Herd of Marshall.

I don’t know about you, but I think that because the game is played at noon, even the West By Godders from Marshall won’t be drunk enough to stop the Boy Caught pass attack of the Birminghammers.

In the SEC, the ’Hogs of Arkansas invade Dudley Stadium in Nashville in order to take on the pesky Vanderbilt Commodores.

In order for a win from the Commodores, Lionel Richie will need to throw for 400 yards, beat down the Arkansas secondary harder than he did his ex-wife, and kick Nicole through the uprights. I hope the winds are favorable.

Navy is at Notre Dame this weekend which can mean only one thing…The Midshipmen of Navy will be getting their first look at women who aren’t dykes.

Tonight’s game is a match-up of the Indian Jesuses of BYU and the Nails in the Hand TCU’ers.

I think TCU will win because when you morph BYU and TCU into an anagram, it spells out, Buy Cut

Jesus wasn’t bought, but he sure as hell was cut. I predict the true Christians of TCU win by a trinity.

Lastly, before we get to the, Game of the Week…

The smart, white, and light skinned Afro-Americans of Stanford, travel to South Central LA to take on the drug-dealing, hubcap stealing, and noble in moniker only, Trojans of USC.

I’ll take smart, pasty white guys over nefarious heroin-shooting Black and Mexican-Americans any day. Stanford gets the win, but the USC players get the ladies.

As I promised earlier, my views on the Mighty Wisconsin Badgers coming to Columbus, Ohio to take on the Ohio State Buckeyes…

While the Ohio State program is in trouble, the Badgers of Wisconsin are still smarting over the loss to unemployed auto workers from Michigan State. It’s quite the eliptic condensed conair? (Ed.Note: use, conundrum; that means puzzle, Slyder.) conundrum.

Thanks Ed. Note, and on that note, ha ha, I will say this…

the Ohio State University blows…They blow like Moby Dick. The Badgers are going to destroy them…I mean…Here’s what the Ohio State players will look like when the carnage is over…

I know what you’re saying…

“Hey Slyder you’re from Ohio; you should root for the Ohio State.”

Let me tell you something…I’m originally from Idaho, and I hate potatoes. That tells you one very important thing about Slyder…

I don’t get the Value Meal when I go to McDonald’s.

This is Slyder Balzcock, leavin’ it all on the field and headin’ for the showers.

Matt-Man

17 comments:

Beth said...

Hee! I love how he didn't capitilize the for OSU. Hope they get their clocks cleaned. Slyder is the man!

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Slyder is always well dressed and keepin' it real. On Wisconsin!! Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Navy should only play schools from Florida, Texas and California. That would give the players 12 chances a year to see pretty girls.

Jay

Anonymous said...

I just can't wait for the Stanford v Notre Dame game. There will be a lot of clean and articulate African-Americans on the field. This is a very big fucking deal!

- Joe Biden

jack mehoff said...

"...The Midshipmen of Navy will be getting their first look at women who aren’t dykes." im fuckin dyin over here....

anything can happen my friend - just like last week when i shit my self not once but twice in one night - once when wisc lost and again when OU lost - it was a great day for me in foosball, but not so much for my shit stained boxers

look at it this way, you're probably going to loose, i will give you that and i admire you for your realistic approach to rooting on your team - but at least if the beheading you predict does happen, its at home rather than having to transport their dead carcasses back to OH

as per usual i will be rooting on the upset

I'm With Stupid said...

Jayman: It would be fleet week every week and win or lose they could walk away with the Gonorrhea Trophy. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Anonymous: Ha...Hail to the Vice-Chief. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Jack: Hee. As always, another articulate comment, but to say "I" will lose is erroneous. I looooooathe Ohio State and always have. I have a Woody Hayes voodoo doll which I poke with a hot needle on a daily basis. Cheers Jack!!

Matt-Man

jack mehoff said...

my bad matt - still learning whos rootin for whom. refresh my memory whos your college of choice?

and since youre not a fan then i can honestly say, fuck em. fuck em up their stupid asses. i could never fucking stand that motherfucking douche of a fuck wad in his stupid fuckin sweaters. much like my disdain for belichick in his cut off hoodies

but i digress

A Beer for the Shower said...

The "blow like Moby Dick" line killed me. I think there are three or four good punchlines in just that one phrase.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jack: I'm a Notre Dame fan, although my exuberance has been greatly tempered since the departure of Holtz. I don't watch them too often because when I do, I end up screaming and cussing at inanimate objects. Cheers Jack!!

I'm With Stupid said...

Beer: I know, and would have used them all, but damn, I was tired last night. Cheers Beer!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

Claudia graduated from Wisconsin. Needless to say we always have to check on the scores.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: That partially explains why she married a cheesy dude whom she constantly badgers. Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

My 2 Pesos said...

Hate that face!!

I'm With Stupid said...

Pesos: Ha...I do too, but Slyder loves it. Cheers Pesos!!

Matt-Man

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