Wednesday, October 5, 2011

We Occupy Wall Street So You Don't Have To

Hola I’m With Stupid nation! This is Alistair Byron Armstrong Tennyson IV here. Of the Connecticut Tennyson’s? I’m a student majoring in government and international relations at NYU. I chose a school in Manhattan because I felt it was time for me to get out in the real world and meet people from other walks of life and of lower social status than mine.

I’m one of the leaders of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Matt-Man and Jayman have graciously given me the opportunity to tell the world what the OWS movement is all about here on their blog. I’m so grateful to them for their support and decency.  And, I thought it would be helpful if I told you how this all started.

A couple of weeks ago, while I was waiting for Consuela to finish making my truffle pancakes, I began thinking of my Puerto Rican girlfriend, Inez, who attends community college in Brooklyn and her family and how they struggle to get buy and started feeling bad for them.  So, I turned to dad and said “Father. Why do we live the way we do, while people like Consuela and Inez’s family have to live the way they do? Why do such inequities like this exist?” He told me “That’s just the way things are son.”

Well, I thought about that while Reginald drove me to school and even asked him what he thought of this whole thing. His answer was very enlightening. Especially his tales of living in the Hood. So exciting, yet heartbreaking at the same time. And that was when I realized I had to do something to change the world.

Anyway, I got together with my friends at school, Bennett, Hunter, Theodore and Josiah, and we decided that someone had to stand up to the people on Wall Street who are ruining this great country. After a couple of grande caffe mochas, with no sugar, no whipped cream, extra dry, with half skim and half full milk, we came up with the idea of going Tea Party on their asses! We agreed to march on Wall Street and protest.

Unfortunately, my sister, Tiffany Bianca, doesn’t feel the same way as I do. She attends Barnard College and has a double major in gender studies and political science. She refuses to join in with the rest of us protesting Wall Street. Instead, she is paying a Chinese exchange student who attends St. John’s to protest in her place. What. A. Snob.

So here we are, Occupying Wall Street every single day! Are we all going to flunk out of school? Who knows? Who cares? This is bigger than sitting in a classroom, listening to stupid lectures man. This is about giving regular people the chance to make something of their lives. With our help of course. I mean, it’s not like they could do this shit on their own.

That’s what I’m here for. I’m here to stand up for the people regular people. No need for them to come here and join us. In fact, we’d rather they didn’t. Because, when the TV cameras show up, we don’t want some uneducated hick from flyover country being interviewed and all the sudden America thinking that’s who started this.

No, no, no. No need to thank us either America. Well, maybe a little, but don’t make too big a deal out of it. We’re simply doing what others before us did. We are idealistic college students protesting wrongs and trying to make them right. And when we fail to make any meaningful changes, we will go back to class, graduate, and fulfill our family’s plan for us to marry into another rich family and then go to work for our fathers and be the people the NEXT generation protests. THAT is what America is all about people! 


Mike said...

"..than sitting in a classroom, listening to stupid lectures.."

EVERYTHING is better than sitting in a classroom, listening to stupid lectures.

I'm With Stupid said...

I wanted to join in on the protest with these well dressed rebels, alas I had no central fax number with which to voice my interest. There is a fax number somewhere isn't there? Cheers!!


A Beer for the Shower said...

In college, I was an idealist. But I was always far too drunk to give a shit about marching. My my, how things have...who am I kidding? Things haven't changed at all.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Always the practical one, aren't you?


I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: I'm going to go down to the financial district here in Redneckville and occupy a spot on the sidewalk to join the protest.


I'm With Stupid said...

Beer: I was the same way. Except for the idealist part.


Knight said...

Nobody seems to understand this protest at all.

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: Well of course nobody understands them. Since they aren't a bunch of old white racists protesting against the government on behalf of corporations, nobody in the media will pay much attention to them.