Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Chris Christie for President 2012

Ummmmm settle down, and listen up…Gov. Chris Christie here.

I have a huge announcement to make, and Matt-Man convinced me to use the incredibly wide expanse of the I’m With Stupid media empire from which to make it.

I agreed, because Matt-Man, Jayman, and the staff of I’m With Stupid are not the types to slovenly devour people with cheap shots by throwing out seemingly delicious red meat to the masses. So here I go…

The calls for me to run for the GOP Presidential nomination have swollen to the point where the weight and gravity of the cries for my candidacy, have convinced me to finally step up once again, to the plate.

My friends, I am doing it.  I am putting my skin into the game and will be walking semi-briskly for the office of President of the United States of America.

Look at the menu of candidates from which we Republicans have to choose.  I get a better line-up of choices at the Denny’s in East Brunswick.

Bachmann?  Her intellect is thinner than the, “Great Chefs of Ireland Cookbook.”

 
Herman Cain?  Ha, Godfather’s Pizza genius prefers deep dish pizza.  We’ve had enough of Chicago style politics under Obama; we don’t need Chicago style pizza under Cain.

Boy Toy Rick Perry is a shit-ka-bob.

Romney and Santorum are as exciting as broccoli.  Ron Paul’s mind is like goulash.  Newt Gingrich always leave you hungry for something else, and Jon Huntsman…um…c’mon, he’s a glass of skim milk.

See what I’m saying? The current field of Republican candidates blows more than a Jersey girl.  My party needs me.

My country needs me.

Democrats…Republicans…all politicians in Washington are interested only in reelection, while ignoring the 800 pound gorilla in the living room of our nation…Economy and Jobs.

My friends, I want to be that 800 pound gorilla.  


I want to jump up and down, rattle some cages, turn the White House into 1600 I Don’t Give A Fuck About Your Reelection Avenue, and rebuild the breadbasket of America into a gourmet bakery full of delicious smells of success and cupcakes heavily frosted with prosperity.

Believe me.  I can almost feel your pain, and I want to help you.

I know that you and your families are doing without and pinching every penny.  If elected…

I will make sure I cut out the fat and tighten the belt on the out of control pork fest that is taking place in D.C.

Unlike me, our current leaders and politicians are nothing more than line cutters at The Old Country Buffet, feeding their faces with the fresh Salisbury steak and still steamy mashed potatoes, while you are left with nothing but cold peas and hard toast.

If elected, I will make sure that you will be first in line enjoying hot gravy and beef tips while the career politicians are gnawing on cold broth and gristle.

I want to thank I’m With Stupid for allowing this perfectly seasoned political discourse by me without taking any cheap shots. 

I’ll be having Matt-Man and Jayman over for manicotti soon, and if you’d like to help me out please contact Matt-Man at:

neshobadude@yahoo.com
http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

Gov. Chris Christie

10 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

Why am I suddenly so hungry?

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Because once you revel in the tantalizing words of CC, you want more. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Beth said...

Well, he's got my vote! Now I'm starving!!

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Allowing your hunger to compel you to vote for a Republican bully from Jersey is no way to go through life. Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Recently heard an asshat on Stern show say that he could never vote for a fat man. And then many more called in saying the same thing. That was the whole issue for these twats...err I mean twits. So Bachman is at her fighting weight so he feels she would be a better representative. Oh my God!
I'm moving to Canada.

I'm With Stupid said...

Peg: Ha...Dontcha just love the American electorate. Chances are though, most of the asshats who called the Stern show saying that, don't vote anyway. Cheers Peg!!

Matt-Man

Knight said...

Well, that didn't last long!

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: Ha!! Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

'hot gravy and beef tips'

Now were talking some political bribary here!!

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: If he promised me a lifetime's supply of fried SPAM, I'd even do volunteer work for him. Cheers!!

Matt-Man