Thursday, September 1, 2011

Letters, Oh We Get Letters!!

Jayman and I get virtual tons of e-mails that the IWS staff handles, but we thought that today would be a good day to answer a few of them personally…

For nearly two months now, I have listened to your show and read your website, and frankly, I have no idea how you two even dress yourselves in the morning.

Buster Servicks
Huntington Beach, California

Well Buster, we don’t. As internet and social media superstars, Jay and I have a team of busty, scantily clad women that dress us in the morning…on the rare days we decide to conform to social norms and actually wear clothes, that is.

I really like show. Make me feel that my life is not all bad, and I am not as stupid as I think I am.

Olga Fukyerzelf
Vladivostok, Russia

We’re glad you enjoy the show and hope that we continue to warm your heart during those cold, North Pacific winters. In case we ever fail to heat up your self-esteem, we are sending along an I’m With Stupid electric blanket, because we are looking out for you Ms. Fukyerzelf.

For some reason, after listening to your show, I feel an insatiable need to take a shower and scrub myself down with sandpaper and steel wool.

Adolf Alleskoch
Munich, Germany

I understand Adolf…After Jay and I do a show, I too take a shower in order to wash away all of the awesome sauce that has oozed from my pores during the course of another award winning broadcast.

Sometimes when I listen I think that perhaps, God sent you to us so he can put a heavenly spotlight on the vast amount of stupid that exists in the world.

Michele Bachmann
Lexingtin ‘n’ Concurd, New Hampshire

You may be right and as always, we thank you for unknowingly providing much needed material. We love you, M-Bach!! Here’s to 2012.

Where the hell is my child support check!?

Beth Rhodes
Springfield, Ohio

I’ll pass your concern along to Jayman as soon as I see him. He’s been strapped for cash of late, as he needed to purchase new tires for his car and replace his 12 year old toaster.

After hearing y’all for three sixties, I could tell you wuz nuthin’ but a deuce of middle aged white boyz needin' to get laid.

Juwanna Phuq
East St. Louis, Illinoize

As internet superstars, Jayman and I are always but an arm’s length away from a lovely lady who would like nothing more than to have sex with one or both of us, however if you’d like to pass along your phone number or the that of your pimp, it would be most appreciated.

And there you have it for today, folks…Keep those cards and letters coming!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

14 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I tell ya, all the letters and cards we get is almost overwhelming. After reading these again today, I'm just sittin' back and feeling the love.

- Jay

Beth said...

Very funny! By the way, where is my effin check? You guys rock;)

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: And Holy Cow...The Marriage Proposals we get!! If I accepted them all, I'd have 47 ex-wives by now. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: It's in the mail...no, really. Jay told me so. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

KathyA said...

I see you're no longer appealing to the lowest common denominator!! Good for you!

I'm With Stupid said...

Kathy: I convinced Jay that we should raise the bar and do nothing but High Brow satire. The New Yorker holds us up as its new standard. They wish. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

I don' gets no leters...wuts wrong wit me?

I'm With Stupid said...

Vin: Time for some serious self-exploration Vin. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Knight said...

All my letters, proposals, photos, and prayers over the years have gone unanswered. What does it take guys?

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: Confidence is high when I speak for both of us that evidently anything you sent along those lines was garbled or lost and you should resend them IMMEDIATELY. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: I have accepted every single proposal you have made over the years. But, never heard anything in return. Instead, I just lie in bed all day and cry over my unrequited love for you. ;-)

- Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Just ask Angry Mailman where the check is. I'm sure he'll be helpful. ha

KathyA: Our new motto is Aim High. Catchy huh?

Vinny: Hmm ... I KNOW I sent some hate mail. I don't know what happened to it. I hope you didn't get Schmoop's check and Schmoop get your hate mail. That would be embarrassing.

- Jay

Mike said...

I don't think Michele actually sent that email. There's no way she would share that spotlight.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: M-Bach knows the power and sway that IWS holds with the electorate. Cheers!!

Matt-Man