Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Fantasy Draft Hotties Edition

It’s time for another fantasy draft kids! This time we’re drafting hotties. There are so many choices that this one is much harder than the Presidential Draft last week.  But, I finally narrowed it down.  So, here we go…

QB: Aisha Tyler: We all know that you need your QB to be a smart person, with Terry Bradshaw being the obvious exception. So, I’m going with Aisha Tyler for my QB. In addition to being smoking hot (and damn funny) Aisha graduated from Dartmouth with a degree in Government and a minor in Environmental Studies. Damn, I love smart women. Anyway, she’s smart, tall, athletic and a great natural leader. She’s also a great poker player which is another skill that comes in handy at QB. 

RB: Lindsay Lohan: I know this is one probably catches some people by surprise. But, with Mike Vick we’ve seen that people can emerge from prison with a renewed desire to succeed and do just that. Lindsay is hungry to prove that she can perform and is a great power back. She’ll hit that line hard. She should be great on the goal line too. 

RB: Jamie Chung: Jamie might be a bit small, but she makes up for it with athleticism and heart. She’s quick, and has great footwork. She would also be a great receiver out of the backfield given that she could outrun the defenders. She’s also very flexible. And we all know that flexibility is almost NEVER overrated. Glau is definitely a game breaker who is a threat to take one to the house on any play. 

WR: Stacy Keibler: Long and lean and in amazing shape, Stacy is the perfect possession receiver. She will dominate point per reception leagues. She can also use her size to make the tough catches in traffic and in the red zone. She might be the ultimate weapon. 

Flex: Tyra Banks: We all know how aggressive and fierce Tyra is. This makes her the perfect flex player. She can run or catch. She’ll be able to free herself up in the flat and then turn it up field for those precious yards after the catch. And, by putting her in the slot, the offense will be able to move her around and get the defense off balance, opening things up for others. One thing we know for sure is that Tyra will go all-out on every play. 

WR: Nicole Sherzinger: Another game breaker. An amazing athlete with blazing speed, Nicole will get you those bonus points on the long TD receptions. She will run the defense ragged. Plus she will be a real threat on crossing routes as the defensive backs will have trouble staying with her all the way across the field. She’s also a threat on punt returns, so you will get some bonus points from her that way too. 

TE: Adriana Lima: I mean, come on! Have SEEN her tight end? It’s fucking amazing! This one is pretty much going to go without any argument from anyone. 

K: Jennifer Garner: Anyone who watched Alias back in the day knows that Jennifer can kick. She’s very flexible and has loooong muscular legs. She can bomb it from long distance and again, you’re looking for those bonus points from those 40 and 50 yard plus field goals. You’ll get those from Ms. Garner. 

D/Special Teams: Michelle Rodriguez:  Another bad ass who has done time in the big house.  Michelle has shown that despite her beauty and sexiness, she can get nasty.  She handles all kinds of weapons well and is very aggressive. She’ll get after the other hotties on the field (allegedly) and rack up some big points with sacks and interceptions and do a lot of scoring.

Alright, there you go! Another high scoring team that is sure to dominate. I know I would like to be dominated by every single player on that team!


Mike said...

I've already drafted all these girls. Now I just have to hope they show up to training camp.

I'm With Stupid said...

I missed the draft so I hereby nominate myself to be Offensive Coordinator of this babe-o-licious gridiron harem. Cheers!!


Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

I did not see any of those names in the draft prep material on espn.com

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: They have asked to workout in private to avoid old guys from just standing around leering at them. You understand, I'm sure. ;-)

Matt: The only play you would design is to run right through Tyra's 5-hole.

Vinny: This was a special invite only league. You didn't get yours? Hmmm Must have gone to the spam folder. Sorry. ;-)

- Jay

Malcolm said...

Are there any job openings for locker room interviewer?

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