Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I'm Andy Rooney: Ass Man

Hola internet! Andy Rooney here, doing a special blog post on “I’m With Stupid” blog. As you probably heard, I have announced my retirement from my “regular” appearances on 60 Minutes. I know that seems strange since I only had to work for like 4 minutes once a week. But, when you’re my age, you don’t have those four minutes to spare anymore. But, I did want to do a blog post for my old friends Matt-Man and Jayman.

Of course, they really aren’t old. They’re half my age. So that makes them half-old, because I’m most definitely old. You gotta be careful when using the word “old.” Some people take great offense to it. I don’t because I’ve been old for a long time now. Some, who are old, don’t like to be reminded of it though, so I don’t use the word much. I’m not really an asshole, you know.

I was never allowed to use the word “asshole” on 60 Minutes.

This is my first ever guest blog post anywhere. I don’t really know what a blog is though. “Blog” is a funny word. It sounds a lot like “blob” which is also a funny word. But, I know what a blob is. I’m kind of a blob. Just and old, cubby guy sitting on his couch writing a blog post for some guys on the internet who may or may not be stupid.  I’m not really clear on who the stupid one here is on the “I’m With Stupid” blog.

Of course, I didn’t mean to imply that everyone who blogs is also a blob. I’m sure many bloggers are in great shape. Especially the women. That’s why I retired. I’m going to use this new free time to check all the hot babes I’ve heard about on the internet. I’m an “ass man” by the way.

I was never allowed to mention that I’m an ass man on 60 Minutes.

I guess they didn’t want to risk me running off all the women with big breasts, or “breast men” out there. Ashton Kutcher can run around in his boxers, but I can’t tell everyone I’m an “ass man.” I don’t really know what it would have hurt, though. Are big breasted women so insecure that if they found out I preferred asses and legs; they would stop watching the show? Well, they probably would.

There are a lot of women on CBS shows that have nice asses. I usually watch all the primetime shows mainly for the hotties. Currently my favorite is Cobie Smulders on How I Met Your Mother. I know Jayman prefers Alyson Hannigan, but I’m not into the Fire Crotch. Yeah, a lot of people say she’s not a real redhead, but why risk it?

They wouldn’t let me say “Fire Crotch” on 60 Minutes.

Well, I guess I better wrap this up, as I’m told people on the internet have short attention spans. And of course, people are busy. As am I. I have all these new Tumblr Porn blogs to check out every day. Even if I’m still not clear what this whole blog thing is. Not that it matters. You probably don’t need to know what a blog is, or how it works, to enjoy one.

I don’t understand women, but I enjoy them, especially their asses. I guess I already mentioned that though. I tend to repeat myself as I get older. This is probably why it’s time I scaled back my appearances on 60 Minutes. It would be embarrassing to repeat myself all the time on TV. Nobody cares if you do on a blog though, especially if you’re talking about women and their perfect butts.

I couldn’t say “butt” on 60 Minutes either.

Well, enough of this. I have to go do Google Image Searches for my new blog “Hotties of CBS,” soon as I figure out how to set one of those up.  It can’t be too hard if these two guys who say they’re stupid can do it. Or am I the one who’s stupid? I still haven’t figured it out.

For I’m With Stupid blog and internet radio show, this is Andy Rooney, Ass Man.


And if you would like to listen to Matt-Man and Jayman ramble about nothing much and then take a call from Amy in Orlando who appeared to know who Matt-Man is, even though he didn’t seem so sure who SHE is, then you should totally listen to this week’s SEO Show Prep Show #3.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio


Mike said...

Ass man?! And here Andy's been my kind of guy all along. Who knew?

Beth said...

Retired? I thought he was dead. 60 minutes is still on? Wow, the things I learn on here.

I'm With Stupid said...

I hate you Jay. While this was funny, I could actually hear Andy Rooney's voice when I read this. I was so looking forward to his, and now, I'll never be able to get him out of my mind. Cheers!!


I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I was surprised to learn that Andy and I have something in common too!


I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: He's every bit as alive as Larry King.


I'm With Stupid said...

Matt-Man: His voice was running through my head as I was writing it too. Not an easy thing to deal with.