Friday, August 26, 2011

Matt Said, Jay Said


It’s Saturday kids! And that means it’s time for another installment of “Matt Said, Jay Said.” I know you’re excited! 

Matt: “I just got the baby oil warmed up and ready for your call.”
Jay: “Did you put the bottle in a pan of warm water to heat it up?”
Matt: “I see you’ve done this before.”
Jay: “You could also just put the bottle in your armpit for a while. That will warm it up too.”

Jay: “Did you see that Nick Ashford died?”
Matt: “Yup, read that this morning.”
Jay: “I guess he’s ‘Solid as a Rock’ then. Hey-OOOOOOOOOH!”
Matt: “You sick fuck.” 

Jay: “Everyone was on Twitter this morning”
Matt: “I thought someone had sent up the Jaysignal”
Jay: “Why?”
Matt: “You showed up and suddenly everyone was there. Just long enough to say ‘good morning’ and suddenly they were all gone again.”
Jay: “Twitter is like everyone meeting in the lobby. Nod and say hello and then go on about your business.”
Matt: “And at the end of the day we’ll do it again. Just long enough to say ‘good night.’” 

Matt: “Uh-Oh!”
Jay: “What??”
Matt: “Da-da-da-DUMMMMM! Angry Mailman is here. The world’s only angry mailman.”
Jay: “Maybe you should wave and be nice to him? Maybe that’s all it would take for him to stop being angry and start being happy. Just one person who cares.”
Matt: “No. He scares me. He’s so mean dogs run away FROM HIM!”
Matt: “Oh hey! A secret note has been slipped under the door.”
Jay: “The fox is in the henhouse. I say again, the fox is in the henhouse.”
Matt: “The cookie has been baked.”
Jay: “The wet bird flies at night.”
Matt: “Ha .. Oh … They’re just painting the parking stripes in the parking lot tomorrow.”
Jay: “Boring.”

Matt: “Maybe I’ll go down there and heckle them while they’re painting.”
Matt: “You call that a straight line?”
Jay: “You didn’t account for the curvature of the Earth on that one!”
Matt: “Michelangelo you AIN’T!”
Jay: “Did you paint over that pebble instead of brushing it out of the way?”
Matt: “The left line is longer than the right. I can tell from here.” *while sitting in my lawn chair drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette* 

Jay: “So, it’s our One Year Anniversary Extravaganza!”
Matt: “Yup. Gonna be HUGE Jay! HUGE! We can talk about our favorite episodes and favorite audio files.”
Jay: “And favorite guests”
Matt: “Right. And maybe some people will call in. Not likely, but maybe. Maybe someone will sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to us?”
Jay: “And we’ll mock everyone who thought it would never last. Like everyone in our families and well, pretty much everyone including us.” 

Matt: “And we’ll preview Season 2. Do we need a new show open? New boobies? We probably do need new boobies.”
Jay: “We can always use new boobies. Always.  Plus we might talk about new ideas or features for Season 2.  Maybe replace correspondents or something.”
Matt: “We might have to replace Ivan Dixon with Kenneth Washington.”
Jay: “Or we might need a new Darren.”
Matt: “Exactly! Important decisions.”
Jay: “Okay, I think we’re ready!”
Matt: “Gonna be HUGE!”

And don’t forget to listen to our Anniversary Extravaganza Saturday night at 6:30 pm EDT and Part II on Monday at 11 am EDT!! It will be a good time for one and all. 

4 comments:

Mike said...

I think Jay should get CDT mentioning rights since he is. CDT that is. EDT confuses some people.

I'm With Stupid said...

I hope the Library of Congress is reading this and duly archiving it. Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Gnetch said...

So. Happy anniversary!!!

And I love the "You sick fuck" response! That made me laugh.

I'm With Stupid said...

Gnetch: That's what we're here for. To make you laugh. ;-)

- Jay