Friday, July 29, 2011

As The Butter Churns

Greetings and welcome friends of IWS. I am the official Amish Mullet Girl of I’m With Stupid.

My name is Hannah Stoltzfus, and I liveth in, and haileth from, one of the 220 Amish Church Districts in Holmes County, Ohio.

Holmes County Ohio boasteth an Amish population of nearly 40,000 peace loving folk sporting long beards, long skirts, and deep sexual repression.

To put that into perspective, if all of us were to churneth butter from the Sabbath to your day of debauchery the following Saturday, we’d churn enough curds and whey to fill the moon with green cheese, all the while hoping that someone would do the same to us.

To many of you, we may seem to be aloof, stand-offish, and perhaps even creepy, but c’mon…

Do I look like a creepy little Amish girl to you? Perhaps you think I look like a character from the moving picture, Children of the Corn?

Well, I’m not. Okay…

Being Amish, maybe I look like a character from Children of the String Cheese. Ha!!

See?

Even the Amish have a sense of humor!!

Having a sense of humor is good, because on Saturday July 30th at 6:30 PM EDT, Jayman and Matt-Man are doing, The Joke Show on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio.

They will be telling and discussing their favorite jokes of all-time. They’d like you to listen and call-in with yours as well.

Unfortunately, I will be unable to do the same, for I am Amish and we eschew all things electrical and modern. In fact…

The only reason you are reading my words upon the soullessness of the internet is because my brother Zachariah took my hand written story to the vibrant and modern town of Bagwine, Ohio some four carriage ride days away from here and delivered it to Matt-Man.

And speaking of jokes and my brother Zachariah, let me tell you…That boy couldn’t raise a barn with the broad side of a…um…barn. Hey-Oooooooth.

Anyway, listen to I’m With Stupid on Saturday July, 30th at 6:30 PM EDT as Jayman and Matt-Man will be telling and discussing their favorite jokes of All-Time.

For more details…go to the Radio Show tab at the top of the page and give er’ a click.

For I’m With Stupid, this is Hannah Stoltzfus saying…

An Amish girl’s best friend is the “transistor radio” ‘neath her goose-down pillow.

--Hannah

6 comments:

Jay said...

It's really amazing how much our vast, world-wide audience really has spread. I'm glad Hannah was able to get that note to you so we could verify what we already suspected. That we're HUGE in the Amish community.

IWS Radio said...

I know Jayman...If the Amish were to sew a quilt demonstrating their love for IWS, it would be the size of a football field.

Matt-Man

Mike said...

If poor Hannah keeps on eschewing on things electrical she'll be in for a big shock one day.

IWS Radio said...

Mike: Hey-Oooooooo!! Cheers Mike.

Matt-Man

A Beer for the Shower said...

The whole time I was reading I was thinking about Weird Al Yankovic's "Amish Paradise." Pure, curly-haired genius.

IWS Radio said...

Beer: It's nice to see the Poles get a group to make fun of. Cheers!!

Matt-Man