Hola Bitches!

It's me, the Jayman!

“Who” you say? “THE Jayman? The one who just about 10 weeks ago quit blogging and said he in all likelihood wouldn't be back this year?”

Uh, yeah. Up until a couple of weeks ago I still had no intention of coming back. And I'm still not real sure how happy I am about it. But, when Matt-Man came up with the idea of doing a team blog as a part of the show's branding, how could I say “No?”

So, here I am. Committed to the show and to growing our brand and turning Matt-Man and myself into the international superstars we know we can be. Complete with the fame, fortune and groupies we deserve. At least in our own minds.

Besides, the idea behind this blog is that it will be a community blog. A place where many different people will be posting. Anyone out there who would like to have their voice heard on the internet, this is the place for you. We're looking for people who are funny, smart, clever and/or sexy as hell. Just like us. And, when we get other people in involved here, I won't be having to post much. I'm already looking forward to that part.

I know that some people will be giving me shit for coming back. There's nothing I can do about it. And it won't have any affect on me either. So, whatever. I think this site is gonna be fun.

Sooo what has the Jayman been up to the last few weeks, you ask? Well, I've been a busy little bee.

I accompanied Miley Cyrus on her South American tour as her “Self-esteem Coach.” Mainly my job was to tell her that she looked and sounded great and that “No, I don't think all these gorgeous, sexy South American women who can shake their booty like nothing I've ever seen are hotter than you Miley!” (She totally believed me.)

I served a couple of days as a Special Economic Advisor to President Obama. Basically my job was to walk into the Oval Office every 10 minutes and say “You do know that somewhere around 20% of Americans are either out of work or underemployed, right? You might actually think about doing something about it ANY-FUCKING-TIME NOW!” But unfortunately, people got tired of hearing that and they hired a “We Still Have Hope” adviser in my place.

I worked as LeBron James' personal coach teaching him how to close out big games. That one didn't work out so great.

Same goes for my short stint as a “Twitter Crisis Consultant” for Congressman Anthony Weiner. I'm not even putting that one on my resume.

Acted as the Dalai Lama's personal escort when he visited Northwest Arkansas. We hit all the hot spots. Dude is a wild man! Strippers loved him too. That dress he wears is some pretty thin material and the Lama is packing a serious Tulka. And, big tipper!

I spent some time living in a cave in Southeast Asia. Just contemplating life and the universe becoming one with my surroundings and the animals.

Okay, I admit it. I'm the one who killed Osama bin Laden. As Robert DeNiro said in The Deer Hunter “ONE SHOT! ONE SHOT IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!”

And, there were various other, less exciting things. But, now I'm here. Why? Cause Matt-Man talked me into it. I just can't resist those puppy dog eyes.
Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
http://twitter.com/jayman_iws