Wednesday, June 22, 2011

History, Mystery, Menstrualty

Hi gang, Michele Bachmann, GOP Presidential hopeful, congresswoman, and renowned historian, here with today’s:

I’m With Stupid’s…

This Day in History with Michele Bachmann…



On June 22nd 1941, Germany, Italy, and Romania declared war on the Soviet Union. When I read that, I was surprised that to some degree, the Nazis were actually on OUR side. Who knew, but it makes sense, because…

Also on this date in 1941, FDR signed the GI Bill of Rights launching our nation on an irreversible path towards socialism. I find it ironic that Germany attacked the Soviet Union on this day when FDR signed that bill. It’s like Hitler was trying to save the United States from Communism.

On this date in 1969, Aretha Franklin was arrested in Detroit for creating a disturbance. She must have really been doing something bad, since most black people in Detroit can go unnoticed while sleeping on the streets and murdering law abiding white people.

On this date in 2002 an earthquake in Iran killed 261 people proving that God’s hand is mightier than their Muslim missiles and in 2009 a D.C. subway crash killed 9 proving that unlike Hitler and Mussolini, Obama cannot make the trains run on time.

Lastly, a couple of Happy Birthdays…

Today, basketball great Pete Maravich is celebrating his 63rd birthday. Let’s hope that “Pistol” loads his chamber and has a banging good B-Day today. Also…

Funny man Freddie Prinze of Chico and the Man fame is fiesta-ing his 57th birthday, so even though his name sounds illegal, let’s wish Freddie an Ole’ Day!!

That’s all for today.

This is Michele Bachmann saying that the past is prologue, and Sarah Palin is yesterday’s news.

--Michele

And people wonder why the Matt-Man has internet and phone problems…


Lastly, a scientific report from IWS’s fave and hottest scientist, Desert Rat…
For your edification... or whatever

A recent [undocumented] study in [a top secret location] showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

And if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Cheers…

10 comments:

IWS Radio said...

This is obviously the most educational site on the internets.

Also, I'm pretty sure I could take Maravich in a game of one-on-one.

- Jay

Mike said...

Cyndi Lauper was also born on this day. A year BEFORE Freddie Prinze.

IWS Radio said...

Jay: We are such givers and public servants.

Mike: Maybe Freddie should ask Cyndi out for Birthday Beer and wings.

-Matt-Man

Beth said...

Matt/Jay: I really like your blog. You're both really funny!

IWS Radio said...

Thanks Schmoop!! We both find you to be HOT!!

--Matt-Man

Beth said...

Ha! Thanks! I'm thinking that's the way Bagwine should go from now on, naked. At least according to Mike;)

Phfrankie Bondo said...

Bwahahahaha!

IWS Radio said...

P-Man: I know how you dig highbrow humor. Cheers!!

--Matt-Man

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Michele Bachmann is that chick whose brain was dissected by aliens back in 1992, right?

Schmoop said...

Vinny: No, quit confusing her with Sarah Palin. Cheers!!

--Matt-Man