The Street is a Dangerous Place

Hola all you sheltered people out there living in your safe little worlds. You might think that a white guy from a little bitty town in Arkansas like me wouldn't know much about life on the streets. Or, figure what I do know I learned from movies, TV shows and rap music. Well, you’d be wrong. I’m surprisingly gangsta and quite comfortable hanging out with people that many of you consider to be the unwashed masses. Working class, poor, homeless, street walkers, drug dealers, sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads. They all adore me. They think I'm a righteous dude.

So, I thought I would break down life on the streets for you crackers in a way that I know is most important to you. I will list all the people you run into on the street from LEAST to MOST dangerous.

- Homeless Person/Wino: People are always afraid of homeless, but they’re rarely dangerous. For one thing, they’re usually very malnourished and don’t have the strength or energy to do anything. They’re a lot like vegans in this respect. Also, they are generally defeated and have given up.

- Drug Dealer (Boss): The lieutenants and bosses generally know that fights, killings and other disturbances are really bad for business. The only thing they want is to move product and get paid.

- Mentally Disturbed: Okay, getting dangerous. These guys are unpredictable and while they usually aren’t dangerous, you have to keep an eye on them.

- Drug Dealer (Corner boy/Slinger): Not as disciplined as their bosses, but they have learned that when they cause problems, especially with regular everyday people, their bosses come down on them REALLY hard.

- Addict/Tweakers: Have absolutely no control over what they are doing. Often times are very volatile. You can’t fuck with them the way you can your drunk or high friends.

- Hookers/Prostitutes: I’m not being negative here. Y’all know that I love and respect hookers very much. But, these girls (and guys) have been beaten, robbed, raped and otherwise shit on so much that they are always on guard. Anything doesn’t look right at all and you’ll get a kick to the nuts before you know what happened.

- Drunk College Kids/Drunken Loudmouths: I hate these fucking people. They are usually rude, crude and just generally horrible people. They get drunk and want to fight. When they get into fights things get out of hand and innocent bystanders get caught up in the battle. And there are always these losers who can’t take an ass beatin’ who just run out to their car and grab a gun and start shooting indiscriminately.

- Police: They’re here to serve and protect right? Yeah, well if they decide you’re up to something and you try to explain you’re not or worse, dare to invoke your rights, they will beat and taser your ass relentlessly. Then they’ll charge you with made up shit and the only way you can get out of it is to agree not to file abuse charges.

- Banker/Finance Expert: Okay, so they won’t bother you on the street or attack you physically or anything like that. But, be a couple of days late on a mortgage payment and they’ll take everything you own. And what’s worse is that the entire government apparatus from the local police, prosecutors, judges and city council all the way up through the state and federal government are there to protect the bankers from YOU, not the other way around.  You have no fucking chance against these vicious mother fuckers.

As you can see, the street is a dangerous place for people who don’t know what’s up. I don’t recommend any of you folks take any chances out there. Just stay in the safety of your nice quiet suburban home. As long as you don’t get involved in any of their swinger parties or get terrorized by their teenage kids because you did something to piss them off.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Speaking of Life in the Hood, that’s what we talked about on I’m With Stupid this week. Matt and Jay talked about some of the benefits and difficulties of apartment living. They told stories of rowdy neighbors, burglaries, busybodies and all the other characters they’ve encountered through the years. Also, Matt updated us on his new friend Dumpster Dave which reminded Jay of a very heartwarming “Homeless Guy at the Dumpster Story” of his own. Oh and there was a rather strange phone call too. Another classic episode of IWS!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Just Rambling About Pool, Ping Pong, Hookers and Strippers

Hola Bitches! First of all I would like to thank Jo for classin’ this joint up a bit yesterday. Her post was funny and insightful and far cleverer than the stuff I usually come up with. I hope that Jo will come back and entertain us again and again. And, if you don’t know Jo, you should really get to know here. She’s a really great person.

--

I really don’t have anything to write about today, so once again, I will just ramble a bit. Here goes …

I’ve always wanted a pool table. You need too much room for one though. I mean, I guess it would be okay to have one of those little ones that you usually find in bars. But, you can’t get really good at the game if you don’t play on a regulation sized table. Someday I will have enough room for one. Maybe I’ll be able to rent a mobile home. They usually have a pretty good sized “great room” where I could put my pool table. That would be a lot of fun until a tornado blew it away.

You know what else would be cool? A Ping Pong Table! Man, I used to play a lot of ping pong when I was in college. I once had a neighbor who had a ping pong table in an apartment. That was fucking annoying. Not just because I never got invited over to play either. They made A LOT of noise. I bet it was not easy for that one dude to play with that gun in his waistband all the time. I never saw him without it. Now that I think about, those two guys that lived in that one bedroom apartment together were kind of odd. Hmmm … You know what? They might have been gay. Now I’m really hurt that they didn’t ever invite me over.

I’ve had some strange neighbors over the years. I’ve talked about most of them though. You know, like the hookers and drug dealers when I lived in Missouri. Oh I’m sorry, I mean the “Home Business Entrepreneurs.” Of course, I didn’t know about the hookers until after they had been busted. All my other neighbors knew though. The bastards. Well, there was the one in San Antonio; she was a very nice person. I know what you’re thinking and the answer is “No, I didn’t.” 

But, now that I think about it, I’ve known or talked to a lot of hookers over the years. I wonder if that’s odd. I’m not even including all the strippers I’ve talked to, because strippers are rarely prostitutes. They also rarely look like Jessica Alba did in “Sin City.” Nothing personal against all the strippers out there reading this, you know I love ya.

Have you ever noticed how often my Stream of Consciousness posts end up talking about strippers and hookers? Pretty often. I bet that’s not normal at all. Anyway, a pool table would be really cool. And so would a ping pong table. And if had those things I would need a juke box. But, not one that played modern country music cause that shit sucks. A disco ball would be cool too. Then I would be the cool guy! Yeah, I like that. I’ve never been the cool guy.

Oh, I would need a bar and multiple TVs too. And a couple of dart boards in case we got tired of playing pool and ping pong. Shuffleboard is always fun too. Actually, I bet ping pong would hurt my back, so we might not have that. Well, I could get one just in case other people wanted to play.

I would have everyone over all the time. Even gay neighbors who carry guns in their waistbands all the time, but they would have to understand that we won’t be playing Cher or Bette Midler on the juke boxs. I think the juke box has the potential to be a problem. I’ll probably just let people play whatever the hell they want to avoid trouble.

I hate being the guy that always causes trouble. I like everyone to just get along. I’ve known so many people who …

Sorry, this got really long winded so I had to cut about 400 words. Anyway, my point is, mean people suck and pool tables are fun.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS